I can’t do this!!
Yes, yes, we all know I’m notoriously bad at keeping secrets! But added to that – this is my journal!! This is where I record my random thoughts to help me understand what I’m feeling. This is where I share my fears and my victories…well, sometimes…sometimes it’s just where I whine and talk about yarn…but I TRY to be deeper than that somedays!
So, here’s what’s up! Tuesday at 4:53pm we got a call. Caller ID said “No Name, No Number” which normally means we would let the call go to voice mail. But the house was pretty chaotic at the time – DH and boys just got home, a friend was just leaving – and I answered it. Thank God I did!!
The man asked for me and said he was Charlie/Charles (it was a blur) from OR DHS. (Wait, you all know that our boys are adopted, right? And, that they are all bio-related, right?) It seems that our birth mom (we call her “Tummy Mommy”) had another baby. A girl. In July. There will be a court date in approximately one month to establish a plan (adoption) for the baby. We need to consider, as family, if we want to be considered.
At one point I looked at Eric to give him a “Do-You-Realize-What-This-Call-Is??” Look and he was on his face. I can’t say if he was praying or crying or both. But we were both terrified.
“What ifs” are flying around us constantly. Do they know how old we are? Do they know we don’t have any girls? Do we know anyone who has a crib? WHY did we get rid of everything? Will triple bunks fit in our house? Will we have to move? Will we need bigger vehicles?
and quieter we ask … Do they know Josh died? Will they trust us? Do we trust us? Is this a joke? Can we do this again? Will they say no after we say yes? Will they determine we are not acceptable?
Today, at J2’s gymnastics – I noticed little girls.
- They are everywhere.
- Their hair is always in their eyes.
- They touch people when they talk to them.
- They sit still.
- They wear pink and little shorts under dresses.
- They ask questions like “do you like my pretty?”
- and they look at you while you tell them “Yes, I do like it.”
This is going to be a long month while we wait for them to contact us again! PLEASE pray for us!!
