The Retreat

Lenin is attributed with saying: “A lie told often enough becomes the truth.” But it’s still a lie! This was basically the topic of the retreat I was on this weekend. I wasn’t sure what to expect – and to be honest I didn’t want to go. But my aunt and mom really wanted me to go and I could see how God had orchestrated things for me to go – and for that reason alone, I knew it was where I needed to be.

I told my sister before I went, ‘if all I come away with is a way to be more patient with the boys, then I’ll be glad I went.’ I never realized what a healing I would experience!

The goal of the retreat is to help you experience God’s love in your heart – not just your mind. I’ve struggled for many years knowing in my head that God loves me and wants good things for me….but my heart did not believe this. I kept trying to really learn it…thinking if I just tried harder, read the Bible more, prayed more, I would eventually be able to believe it.

Through the activities I was able to realize (only with God’s direction though) that I had erected walls to protect my heart – but they were keeping others – including God – out. And, the root of all the hurts was rejection…feeling like I didn’t matter. (you are getting the cleaned up, no tears version 🙂

We created a tool to fight against the enemy when he tries to get us to believe these negative things again. For me it was the phrase “I am a worthy child of God – loved and accepted by my Heavenly Father.” We were supposed to have a scripture too. I waited on the Lord for the right one….people tried to help me find one….but I couldn’t find one until almost the last minute. Then the Lord gave me Mark 10:13-16 – esp v. 16 which says “And He (Jesus) took them into His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.” And so many things clicked!

Early in the weekend I told my small group buddies there that my biggest burden was my relationship with J1 (my oldest) – that we never had a kind word for one another any more – that he seemed to go out of his way to make me angry and I had no patience when it came to him. I remembered reading the book “The Blessing” years ago and just not getting it….how do I bless them? I realized I didn’t know how to bless my children, because I’d never been blessed. That morning I climbed into bed with J1 and held him and layed my hands on him and told him I loved him. I asked for his forgiveness and let him know how proud I was of him.

Are things perfect now? No, he’s still a little boy and I still get tired in the evenings….but I’m trying to start and end each day with a blessing for each of my children. Nothing earth-shattering….but we are experiencing a healing. Isn’t it true that the things of the Lord are so simple…we work so hard to make things so complicated!

If you ever get the chance to attend a HeartChange Retreat (currently only in Oregon City, OR and Sacramento, CA) – go! You will be blessed beyond anything you could imagine!!