Yes, I’m normally a very positive person. I’d rather say nothing, than say something negative. But I.Am.Mad! And, I need an outlet!

So, today,

  • I hate the time between when my teenager wakes up and his medication kicks in.
  • I hate the hateful things he says
  • and the hateful things I think.
  • I hate that I can’t fix him
  • or love him into healing.
  • I hate that I never get a true break from it
  • I hate worrying if the other children are exhibiting the same attitudes/symptoms
  • I hate the tension it creates in our house
  • I hate FASD
  • I hate ADHD
  • I hate ODD
  • I hate that I have to be 100% on top of my attitude or we could have a huge blowup
  • I hate that I feel like a failure – I certainly didn’t do this to him!  But I still carry guilt over it
  • I hate worrying about his future.
  • I hate how much his issues bring out the worse in me.
  • I hate how tired I am just from living here.
  • I hate it when people say “find a support group”.  They don’t realize I have VERY little time for myself.
  • I hate seeing the other children react to his rages and resent him.
  • I hate that he doesn’t even seem to try.
  • I hate that he is 15 going on 3.
  • I hate that this disorder is causing me to write over 200 words of hate. 🙁

7 Thoughts on “I hate…

  1. I hate all of those things for the hurt they bring you. I love you. Let me know if a visit would help. I have time this morning.

  2. honey, is there anything I can do…I could bring some kids over here. I am praying for you all, and God does not disappoint. Please, I NEED to help you,J1,J2,J3,Sissy,Eric…I pray the Lord will show you/me how I can help. Love you deeply, momma

  3. I’m sorry that this morning proved to be a “normal” morning :o( The good ones seem so rare lately.

  4. It’s good to vent. You are dealing with so very much. I have no advice. I’m sending you hugs and prayers.

  5. I love that you still love him and that you do not regret taking on the job of being his mother. I love that you know the source of all peace, which will do far more for you than anything any of “us” here can do for you….both or all of you. Go, drink from that well, and know that you’re doing the right things, even if the situation doesn’t change as quickly as you would like it to do. Hang in there, and feel free to vent as needed.

  6. This is a good and safe place to vent! I know you have thought every little aspect of this looking for ways to improve the mornings – but one quick thought would be to wake him up a little early to take his medication and then let him sleep until it kicks in? I am proud of you for keeping what little “me” time you have!!! One of these days I hope to come down and share some of your me time!! Love you!!!!

  7. I love Ruth’s response. I love your honesty. When you share like this, it lets other people know that you are a real live human being and that you aren’t ‘super homeschool Christian Mom, nothing phases me phony woman’. I love that the fragrance of Christ is all over you. I love that your heart is HUGE. I love that God crossed our paths. I love that you never give up. I love that He upholds you. I love that God matched you and Eric and makes you equal to this task. I love your family. I love that you have a community of people who can now pray for you. I love how He takes care of you, even when you don’t let us know publicly.

    Not to sound trite…all those things are true. Hang in there. Keep sharing when you want/need to. We’ll keep praying!

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