Today, J2 and I are relaxing in the living room after school and chores. I’m knitting and listening to a knitting podcast and he is watching some cartoon on the tv. He turns to me and says, “Mom, if Josh was still alive and we could get that stone, it could all be better.” I guess some cartoon had a magical stone that could bring alive the dead. I replied something along the lines of – that would be nice, but it’s not real.
He reflects on that for a minute and then says, “Mom, how do they get him in that box?” There is no way to answer that one. How do you explain something like that? Or the real question – what does he really want to know? Does he really want to know what happened to Joshua’s body or something else less technical but more emotional? Since I don’t know and I’m struggling not to cry, I tell him that we’ll talk about it when he’s a little older. He, agreeable as always, accepts that answer. I start crying anyway.
I wish I knew how to handle times like this better. I try to be honest…but I still have trouble getting the words out of my mouth when it’s a question like this. I need to remember that the boys are grieving just like us – it just looks different. Though they were only 8, 6 and 2….they still had a big loss. Not just their brother…but their mom too to some extent.
My son asks questions like this all the time about Laura. He thinks about death way too much for a five year old. Since he accepted Christ he has transitioned some from asking about death to verbalizing that he misses her. Sometimes I just don’t have any answers and I hug him and I cry a little and just tell him that there are things that only God truly understands. Sometimes I tell him to pray to God to help him in his grieving and when I can I pray with him. It is like a knife in my heart when I see him grieve for her. But then my brain remembers that grief and working through it are ways that draw us closer to Him, make us stronger, I cannot deliver him from the process of life. I think it is precious that J2 misses Josh and has not forgotten him and still wants him to be part of your family. Thank you for sharing.
Amy, I’m praying for you right now and will continue to pray that you will feel God’s comfort surrounding you during this month and the next. I can’t even begin to fully understand your loss or your feelings, but I can bring them before our Great God. He hears.
Love,
Jennifer
I should have been stopping by here more often…I’ve missed a lot.
Praying so that the Lord will give you the strength and wisdom to answer these questions. I know when my son miscarried I really messed up when it came to one of my kids especially. Oh how I wish I could turn back time and handle things differently. I know it’s so very painful to talk to your kids when you’re hurting so much. You’ll need strength that only the Lord can give!
I want to share the passage I’ve been putting in other guestbooks tonight:
Our Lord Himself promises to comfort us whatever we have to face.
2 Cor 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.