Today, J2 and I are relaxing in the living room after school and chores. I’m knitting and listening to a knitting podcast and he is watching some cartoon on the tv. He turns to me and says, “Mom, if Josh was still alive and we could get that stone, it could all be better.” I guess some cartoon had a magical stone that could bring alive the dead. I replied something along the lines of – that would be nice, but it’s not real.
He reflects on that for a minute and then says, “Mom, how do they get him in that box?” There is no way to answer that one. How do you explain something like that? Or the real question – what does he really want to know? Does he really want to know what happened to Joshua’s body or something else less technical but more emotional? Since I don’t know and I’m struggling not to cry, I tell him that we’ll talk about it when he’s a little older. He, agreeable as always, accepts that answer. I start crying anyway.
I wish I knew how to handle times like this better. I try to be honest…but I still have trouble getting the words out of my mouth when it’s a question like this. I need to remember that the boys are grieving just like us – it just looks different. Though they were only 8, 6 and 2….they still had a big loss. Not just their brother…but their mom too to some extent.