{"id":508,"date":"2007-01-18T09:10:04","date_gmt":"2007-01-18T16:10:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508"},"modified":"2007-01-18T09:10:04","modified_gmt":"2007-01-18T16:10:04","slug":"journey-through-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508","title":{"rendered":"Journey through Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been thinking alot about Josh as February 22 approaches.\u00c2\u00a0 I wonder what our life would look like if life had been different.\u00c2\u00a0 Could I handle 4 boys?\u00c2\u00a0 I know I&#8217;d be a different person if I hadn&#8217;t been through this trial.\u00c2\u00a0 Would I have been stronger? Would I have been more together?\u00c2\u00a0 Would I be able to remember more things?\u00c2\u00a0 My memory is still very sketchy at best.\u00c2\u00a0 My mom is constantly amazed at what I can&#8217;t remember. lol\u00c2\u00a0 I&#8217;m getting used to it.<\/p>\n<p>I saw a horrific accident on the way to the Drs yesterday&#8230;it was too horrible to describe here.\u00c2\u00a0 Just believe me that death in real life does not look like anything you imagine.\u00c2\u00a0 As I drove past,\u00c2\u00a0 I felt a familiar panic feeling well up &#8211; I realized it was the same panic I felt as I watched the ER team work on Joshua. \u00c2\u00a0 I worked on calming down but, again, I could not.\u00c2\u00a0 I was sort of a mess at the doctor&#8217;s office &#8211; great first impression I imagine.\u00c2\u00a0 How can you explain to people the panic?\u00c2\u00a0 The irrational feelings?<\/p>\n<p>People expect that four years later the pain is less.\u00c2\u00a0 I know I do!\u00c2\u00a0 But darn&#8230;it isn&#8217;t!\u00c2\u00a0 I just try to avoid anything that will cause me to remember.\u00c2\u00a0 Anything that will cause me to remember those emotions&#8230;.the sense of loss and pain.\u00c2\u00a0 But it&#8217;s still there.\u00c2\u00a0 There will always be a hole in me.\u00c2\u00a0 I will always be incomplete.\u00c2\u00a0 I&#8217;m trying to make peace with this.<\/p>\n<p>Hey &#8211; don&#8217;t comment if you are going to tell me that everything will be all right.\u00c2\u00a0 I don&#8217;t want to hear it.\u00c2\u00a0 And, it&#8217;s a lie.<\/p>\n<div class=\"sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled\"><div class=\"robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-official sd-sharing\"><h3 class=\"sd-title\">Share this:<\/h3><div class=\"sd-content\"><ul><li class=\"share-facebook\"><div class=\"fb-share-button\" data-href=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" data-layout=\"button_count\"><\/div><\/li><li class=\"share-pinterest\"><div class=\"pinterest_button\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/pin\/create\/button\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fosbornz.net%2Famy%2F%3Fp%3D508&#038;media=http%3A%2F%2Fosbornz.net%2Famy%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F10%2Fcropped-poppy-150x150.jpg&#038;description=Journey%20through%20Grief\" data-pin-do=\"buttonPin\" data-pin-config=\"beside\"><img src=\"\/\/assets.pinterest.com\/images\/pidgets\/pinit_fg_en_rect_gray_20.png\" \/><\/a><\/div><\/li><li class=\"share-twitter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/share\" class=\"twitter-share-button\" data-url=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" data-text=\"Journey through Grief\" data-via=\"Knitnmom\" >Tweet<\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-tumblr\"><a class=\"tumblr-share-button\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tumblr.com\/share\" data-title=\"Journey through Grief\" data-content=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" title=\"Share on Tumblr\"data-posttype=\"link\">Share on Tumblr<\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-print\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"\" class=\"share-print sd-button\" href=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Click to print\" ><span>Print<\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#\" class=\"sharing-anchor sd-button share-more\"><span>More<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-end\"><\/li><\/ul><div class=\"sharing-hidden\"><div class=\"inner\" style=\"display: none;width:150px;\"><ul style=\"background-image:none;\"><li class=\"share-email\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"\" class=\"share-email sd-button\" href=\"mailto:?subject=%5BShared%20Post%5D%20Journey%20through%20Grief&body=http%3A%2F%2Fosbornz.net%2Famy%2F%3Fp%3D508&share=email\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Click to email a link to a friend\" data-email-share-error-title=\"Do you have email set up?\" data-email-share-error-text=\"If you&#039;re having problems sharing via email, you might not have email set up for your browser. You may need to create a new email yourself.\" data-email-share-nonce=\"7d8a00c406\" data-email-share-track-url=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508&amp;share=email\"><span>Email<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-end\"><\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been thinking alot about Josh as February 22 approaches.\u00c2\u00a0 I wonder what our life would look like if life had been different.\u00c2\u00a0 Could I handle 4 boys?\u00c2\u00a0 I know I&#8217;d be a different person if I hadn&#8217;t been through this trial.\u00c2\u00a0 Would I have been stronger? Would I have been more together?\u00c2\u00a0 Would I <span class=\"ellipsis\">&hellip;<\/span> <span class=\"more-link-wrap\"><a href=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" class=\"more-link\"><span>Read More &rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled\"><div class=\"robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-official sd-sharing\"><h3 class=\"sd-title\">Share this:<\/h3><div class=\"sd-content\"><ul><li class=\"share-facebook\"><div class=\"fb-share-button\" data-href=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" data-layout=\"button_count\"><\/div><\/li><li class=\"share-pinterest\"><div class=\"pinterest_button\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/pin\/create\/button\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fosbornz.net%2Famy%2F%3Fp%3D508&#038;media=http%3A%2F%2Fosbornz.net%2Famy%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F10%2Fcropped-poppy-150x150.jpg&#038;description=Journey%20through%20Grief\" data-pin-do=\"buttonPin\" data-pin-config=\"beside\"><img src=\"\/\/assets.pinterest.com\/images\/pidgets\/pinit_fg_en_rect_gray_20.png\" \/><\/a><\/div><\/li><li class=\"share-twitter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/share\" class=\"twitter-share-button\" data-url=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" data-text=\"Journey through Grief\" data-via=\"Knitnmom\" >Tweet<\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-tumblr\"><a class=\"tumblr-share-button\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tumblr.com\/share\" data-title=\"Journey through Grief\" data-content=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" title=\"Share on Tumblr\"data-posttype=\"link\">Share on Tumblr<\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-print\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"\" class=\"share-print sd-button\" href=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Click to print\" ><span>Print<\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#\" class=\"sharing-anchor sd-button share-more\"><span>More<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-end\"><\/li><\/ul><div class=\"sharing-hidden\"><div class=\"inner\" style=\"display: none;width:150px;\"><ul style=\"background-image:none;\"><li class=\"share-email\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"\" class=\"share-email sd-button\" href=\"mailto:?subject=%5BShared%20Post%5D%20Journey%20through%20Grief&body=http%3A%2F%2Fosbornz.net%2Famy%2F%3Fp%3D508&share=email\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Click to email a link to a friend\" data-email-share-error-title=\"Do you have email set up?\" data-email-share-error-text=\"If you&#039;re having problems sharing via email, you might not have email set up for your browser. You may need to create a new email yourself.\" data-email-share-nonce=\"7d8a00c406\" data-email-share-track-url=\"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=508&amp;share=email\"><span>Email<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-end\"><\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5KjO-8c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3289,"url":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=3289","url_meta":{"origin":508,"position":0},"title":"Trying not to panic when I loo&#8230;","date":"January 6, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Trying not to panic when I look at my day - too busy for my liking! Big project at work but a 2 yr old makes that harder. I need a Grandma!","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Everything Else&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6177,"url":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=6177","url_meta":{"origin":508,"position":1},"title":"Wow &#8211; I finally feel like I&#8217;m &#8230;","date":"August 8, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Wow - I finally feel like I'm ready to start homeschooling on Monday. Nothing like a bit of a panic to get things done!","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Everything Else&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3146,"url":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=3146","url_meta":{"origin":508,"position":2},"title":"What a way to start a Monday: &#8230;","date":"December 14, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"What a way to start a Monday: 2yr old set off burg alarm, we thought. But no, it was panic button so police responded right away. Ugh.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Everything Else&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":230,"url":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=230","url_meta":{"origin":508,"position":3},"title":"Progress at Last??!!","date":"July 28, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Today I got J2's new 2nd grade curriculum and panicked! lol It all looks too advanced for him. But rather than give in to the panic, I decided to give it another shot. I've been sort of slack this summer (so much for great intentions). We sat right now and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Homeschooling&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":526,"url":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=526","url_meta":{"origin":508,"position":4},"title":"First Line","date":"January 25, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"I put much weight on the first line in books. They can tell me a lot about a book, about the author and whether or not I'm going to be able to enjoy it. Some of my favorite are: \"When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Grieving&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3732,"url":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/?p=3732","url_meta":{"origin":508,"position":5},"title":"My birthday present","date":"June 25, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Yes, I know it is 38 days until my birthday (no, I do not have a countdown to my birthday - but I do have a calendar right next to my laptop! lol) but as we are going on our big trip in 12 days (calendar again) I asked Eric\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Family Life&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/osbornz.net\/amy\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/006a-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=508"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/osbornz.net\/amy\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}