Friday’s Feast

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Feast One Hundred & Thirteen

Appetizer
What is your favorite herb or spice?
To cook with Cumin. But just to smell? To throw in a pot of boiling water to ‘yummy’ up the house? Cloves!!
Soup
Name a song you like but haven’t heard in a long time.

Anything from the 80s!

Salad
If you were to take just one minute to write down as many things as you can think of that you need (not want) to do, approximately how many things would there be?

Well, I just made my todo list – and since I’d rather do knitting than anything this am – it totals about 10 things. Guess today is errand day!

Main Course
Tell something interesting about one of your family members (nothing scandalous, please, just something unique).

My late Grandma used to paint for Disney – as I understand it she would color the artwork. I’m not sure how long she did it – but I know she worked on Snow White – the witch specifically. I guess my uncle was pretty freaked out by that witch! lol Poor kid!

Dessert
What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed awake?

Being a former Youth pastor’s wife – there were a few nights of up-all-night. But I can’t do that anymore.

Verbalizing

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What do you think about verbalizing? I have a belief that if I say something – it makes it real. But I also know that sometimes just the act of saying something outloud takes it’s ‘power’ away. It’s a conflict I face everytime I try to write here or try to talk about big things.

Maybe they are both true. Maybe when I express my fears they become real…but I also realize they are powerless. When I worry about something it grows until it overshadows everything. But when the words are spoken – they are just words. Even shouted words are not that big. And, I’m never speaking into a void – so someone is carrying part of that scary idea.

There are things I need to talk about … that need to have their power removed. But I’ve got to get over the fear of actually speaking the words….giving the fear validity.

Depressed

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I’ve been depressed for a few days. I wake up sad. I mope around the house. Almost everything I need to do is too much effort. The things I previously enjoyed don’t interest me anymore.

I am doing what I did early days of our grief … getting up and doing what I need to do ANYWAY. So things are getting done. I’m getting up and dressed everyday. There is a minimal impact on those around me.

But I hate living this way. I hate that I can’t shake these feelings and be myself. I feel like there is a blanket of grief over me again. Lord I do NOT want to stay here! Help me do what I need to do. Help me ‘wake up’ emotionally again!

OK! OK! I promise never to cook it again

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Last night I prepared a dish called “Hungarian Goulash” out of the Diabetic Fix it and Forget it. One whiff and I knew that (1) this was NOT the Goulash I grew up with and (2) the kids would NOT eat it. And, I was right! Fortunately, Eric liked it.

But today – I have the following conversations with J2:

CONVERSATION ONE:

“J2 – what is that smell?” (it was a nasty smell!! – I’m looking for dirty socks behind the couch)

“I think it’s that dinner you cooked last night Mom!”

not 5 minutes later…CONVERSATION TWO

“J2, come look at these flies! They want to get in the house! They know that the weather is about to change and they are going to die.”

“Or they smelled your dinner from last night!”

Sigh. Boys. Honesty above all!

So, here is my promise to my sons….

I will never cook Hungarian Goulash again! I promise!