Good feeling gone.

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JGirl was up most of the night last night.  When I finally got her to sleep at 2am, I put her in bed only to realize I was soaking wet. And, so was she.  I stood over her crib for about 10 seconds contemplating the ramifications of leaving her to sleep – wet – in her own crib. :(   Well, after changing PJs – hers and mine – and a new diaper – just her ;-)  – it was about 4am the last time she cried in my arms.  About 6am Eric came and put her in her bed and I crawled into mine for about 2 hours of sleep.  But I woke up with a big headache.

In about an hour we head out to see if the runny nose that she had this weekend is now an ear infection.  I’ll be REALLY surprised if it isn’t.

She’s is walking all over the house and extremely happy – but I am really dragging.  Fortunately my headache seems to be gone for the moment.

Funny how just being tired can mess up my perspective!  Praying tomorrow is better!

Bible Study: Jonah

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One area I don’t share here is my Bible study.  One reason is that it’s so personal, but also because it’s been so rare that I can sit, study and REFLECT.  I get to study whatever the boys are studying, but reflecting for myself, well, it’s just so hard.  And joining a group outside the home…forget about it!  I accept that this is a Season where that’s pretty hard to pull off.  Maybe if I didn’t homeschool and work?  But I do…so let’s not go there.

Anyway, I’ve been finding more time to get to reflect on the Word of the Lord.  I’ve been asking the older boys to take JGirl for romps in the backyard or playtime in the bedroom.  I grab my Bible and notebook and I’ve ben working my way through Kay Arthur’s “Lord Teach Me to Study the Bible in 28 Days”.  It’s inductive Bible study which I’ve loved since Eric’s seminary days.  But I’ve never really understood how to do it.  This book has really been helping!

Today she is having me apply the methods to the book of Jonah Chap 1.  First I observed the passage.  Then I reflected.  I really didn’t think I’d be able to relate to Jonah.  I’ve studied this book many times before.  How can I – a mom of 5, living a quiet life – relate to a man who was literally called by God to go to a evil city.  Then not only did he not obey, he took off in the other direction!

But I dutifully observed.  And, then I reflected.  And I learned something about Jonah and something about me.  I was really struck anew by the fact that when the storm comes up…Jonah goes below, lays down and goes to sleep.  And, when the storms hit here…I retreat…often falling asleep.  It’s not because I am so laid back about the troubles, it’s that I’m so overwhelmed.

Here is part of what I wrote in my journal:

During the storm he (Jonah) went below and slept.  I can relate to that.  When things get crazy, I retreat…I need to recharge.  Jonah didn’t pray….and often, I don’t either. It’s too overwhelming.

If I – like Jonah in verse 9 – recognize that God created the sea and dry land….why do I think I can hide from Him or that He can’t fix my present storm?  Is it because I worry that if I ask Him the answers to my prayers are only coincidence or my desire to see only the good things?  And what if I ask Him to stop the storm and He says ‘No’.

Wait…I know…I believe that even if He says ‘No’, He will not leave me alone.  I’m never alone.  When Joshua died, God obviously did not answer ‘Yes’ to my heart’s scream to save his life, to bring him back.  But He was there for me. He didn’t save me from the storm, but when I turned to Him, He comforted me.

I don’t believe losing Joshua was a punishment for running from God, but it was definitely a storm in my life.  And it taught me that the Lord will be there for me, if I only turn to Him.

In Chap 1, Jonah did not turn to God.  He did tell the sailors to turn back so he could obey and go to Ninevah.  He said ‘toss me over’…suicide really…still running from God.

I’m excited to do more of this study.  Not sure if you’ll hear any more of it….not sure why I felt burdened to share this today.  Blessings!