Today is three years since we lost Joshua. To be honest, there are no words.
I chose to change my view and asked my mom, brother and sil to go to the beach — I’ll post pictures tomorrow probably.
Thank you to those who emailed me and let me know you were praying for our family this day. They were felt.
I’m sorry Secret Pal – I did receive and open your gift last weekend while I was still sick…but I was waiting to say anything because I wanted to take a photo and I just did that today! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the colors – but to be honest I’m a bit nervous about how this actually comes together! I can’t wait to try it though! Have you knit this project? If so, any advice?
For everyone else – here is what I got!
The pattern is call “The Lost Points Shawl” and there are two balls of yarn – Bamboo yarn “Fiery Red” and Melody – a sort of ladder yarn.
I’ll post pics when I start knitting this!
Oh, and my wrist – I like things a bit loose – so 7.5″ is best. 🙂
I’m on day 85 of A Season of Grief – 365 daily devotions to help you through the grieving process!
It is fascinating to me how right on these devotionals are!! How helpful! Today was on regret…man, does that hit me where I live. Here is what it said today:
Regret
Day 85Regret is a strong emotion you will likely encounter during grief. Perhaps you have regrets over things you wish you had said or done while your loved one was still alive. A frequent thought might be, If only I had . . .
You are not alone, my friend.
Annie, who lost her father, says, “I laid awake at night thinking, O Lord, I wish I had taken him to Duke Hospital. Why didn’t I think about it? I just kept punishing myself. But one of my friends said, ‘You did all you knew to do.’ Which is true.”
Do not condemn yourself. Look to Christ Jesus for help in facing these regrets.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death” (Romans 8:1-2 NASB).
Lord Jesus, set me free from my regrets. Thank you for not condemning me. Amen.
I’ve done some of the same things with Josh’s death. Wondered if I could have done more. But just like the example above – we did all we knew to do. We’ve been told by many people – some of them officials like doctors, medical examiner and the like – that we are not to blame. But our enemy knows our weaknesses so well. he knows that DH and I are first-borns and thus strive to be in control of the situation.
I think I need to work on memorizing that verse!
My Valentine’s Day actually started last night! My boys got me an azalea plant!! I can’t wait to find a spot for it in my yard! Then this morning my DH put a card and a small box (!! Love those small boxes !!) on my laptop. The card was wonderfully mushy and the small box held the most beautiful pearl and gold earrings!! He’s definitely been working on his gift giving skills! lol
A few updates:
I’m finally starting to feel better, but I’m very weak. J2 and I will do about 1 hour of schoolwork and then I have to go lay down for awhile. But I’m so much better than I was and I know I’ll be back to normal…someday! :/
RE the tattoo – thanks for all the comments. I got a call from my brother and he said “Do it! I’ll pay for it!” Yeah right! lol And, plus…I remember when he had green hair! I’m not so sure that his advice will go very far. Ok – just kidding – It actually matters very much to me what my family thinks. Maybe I’ll do it this summer.
And one person asked why I was just focusing on Josh – not the other 3 Js. Well, basically – I can still hold and cuddle those guys – I don’t worry that I will forget them. The tattoo is a feeble attempt to hold onto something special that I lost. However, I have considered 4 J’s in a circle with a heart in the center…maybe someday on my ankle. AACK!! That’s two tattoos!! lol
Seriously, I’m still not sure if I’m going to do it or not….there’s that pain thing to remember too. But it’s something I’m seriously considering. I’ll keep you updated! 🙂
Ok – if you think tattoos are evil – you’d better start praying for me! Right after Josh died one of my first instincts was to get a tattoo – a permanent memorial that would always be with me. My mom sort of freaked (ok – this is my intrepretation and it must be acknowledged that I was out of it at best) and took me to get his birthstone in earrings instead – and I wear them everyday. But I worry that I might loose them.
Pretty much the only things keeping me from already doing it are (1) design, (2) location and (3) price. I have no idea how much it would cost. I have no idea where to put it and I had no idea what design I wanted. Well, I think I know what design I want.
Well, I think I know …I want simple, modern nursing mother. Something similar to the logo for our local pregnancy support group (click on links to really see it). But I have no idea how much it costs or where I would put it. I don’t want it to show – it’s something just for me – but I want to be able to see it (so not on my back).
So, chances of me getting it are still pretty remote…but it’s an idea that has stuck with me since the afternoon of the day he died.
Think I’m losing it?
