Random Thoughts

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Between Pinterest, Twitter and Facebook, I sort of forgot about my blog. Today, I feel the urge to write down some of the random thoughts in my brain and see if I can make sense of them.

  • The bloom is off the rose – Sissy has cried the past two days as I leave her at Kindergarten. Today she came out of the classroom and I had to let the teacher hold her so I could leave. GUILT! But I KNOW that I can’t do more than I’m already doing. I don’t have the strength. But that doesn’t alleviate the guilt.
  • J3 is doing better in 6th grade, I think. Well, the only thing I can really judge him on is what he tells me. Praying he finds a good buddy this year!
  • J3 has been joining Sissy and I in our bedtime reading time. I really enjoy having him in there and so does Sissy! Right now we are reading Charlotte’s Web. Not sure what to read next – any suggestions?
  • J2 (whom I’m still homeschooling) is doing pretty good with High School. I have to rework much of the curriculum to fit his challenges but that’s to be expected I guess. We are in our 3rd week. Dare I say it’s the best start to our homeschool journey?
  • I’ll be facilitating J1’s end of high school via homeschool. It will be 95% him and 5% me. He doesn’t really need Momma. He just needs to have someone to accept his work. I’m praying this works and we can finish up before he turns 18. Lots of prayer needed here still.
  • I’m not really knitting. No real time/energy. But maybe when things quiet down. (will that happen this side of heaven?)
  • I added a Pinterest widget to my blog in the sidebar. Do you play on Pinterest? It’s about my level of internet use lately: scan pictures and ‘store’ them for later use – if I remember. LOL
  • I’m trying to scrapbook again. Digi-scrap really is a good choice for me. I can do it quickly and even while J2 is working on his schoolwork. Who else scraps? What projects are you working on? I’m doing “school days’ book for both Sissy & J3 that I can give them when they graduate.
  • Wow – the Cast of Characters page is REALLY outdated! I need to get over there and update it!

I am hoping to get more into the practice of blogging again. If nothing else I need to record some of my thoughts before I forget them! If you are still reading this blog – bless you! I’d love to know who’s out there! If you are still blogging – please let me know, I also want to get back into the practice of visiting/making friends online! No more hiding for me! (I hope!)

More changes

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For the last 9 mos, my eldest has been spending almost every weekend, most parts of every holiday with a friend in Sacramento. This has given us all respite and a it’s been needed. Today that changes. After today he is spending most of his time with this friend’s family and will be visiting here instead. 🙁

I think it would be easier if he was going off to a school or Job Corps. I’d feel like that was a step forward. But this is a step sideways at best. This is admitting that we can’t live together…that he’s better away from us. 🙁 That hurts.

It seems like only yesterday we were bringing him home and showing him his room and his toys. I remember the first time he called me Momma.

But it’s been hard for a long time. My head understands why this is a good thing for ALL of us, but my heart does not! I just wish love HAD been enough to help him.

“I get by with a little help…”

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I’m not good at asking for help. In fact, there have been times when help was offered and I was too prideful to accept the help. But I’ve been having more and more debilitating headaches. It was affecting every part of my life. So Eric and I took some time to figure out what could change and what needed to stay the same.

Now #3 son is going to the local neighborhood school and getting some services he needed that our charter school could not provide. Our daughter is enrolled in afternoon preschool and in a few weeks will be evaluated to see if she is still on target developmentally or if she might benefit from some therapies. Also, we have a local woman coming in for 2 hours a week to clean. I keep a pretty clean house but knowing that Debbie will clean the floors on Monday allows me to do other things for my family. We won’t always have the money to do this, but we do now and I’m so thankful!

I will admit, it was hard to make these changes. I wanted to be able to do it all on my own. But it was too much and I was starting to suffer from it. Now I have a few more minutes in my day … Minutes I can use to kiss my husband, help one of my kids with their schoolwork, share my thoughts here on this blog again, HAVE complete thoughts again, and just breathe!

Lord, help me to be thankful for the peace when it comes and to accept the help when offered! And, when it’s the right time, please show me to whom I can give help!