In my inbox today

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from a friend – perfect timing:

 

“I am a man who has seen affliction, by the rod of his wrath. He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long. He has made my skin grow old and broken my bones. He has surrounded me with bitterness and hardship. He has made me dwell in darkness like the dead. He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains. Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer. He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked.” (Lamentations 3:1-10 NIV)

Jeremiah didn’t mince words. He told God exactly how he felt, and you know what? God is okay with that. He wants you to unload all your frustrations on him. Don’t unload them on your spouse, your kids, your boss or some online blog. Take it all to God, because he can handle it.

God can handle your anger, complaints and frustrations. He wants you to unload on him, because you need to get it all out. It’s cathartic. If you don’t, then here’s what will happen: As I like to say, “When I swallow my emotions and my anger, my stomach keeps score. When I swallow my fear and resentment, my back keeps score.” If you don’t talk things out, you’re going to take them out on your body.

So you need to get it out, and God can take whatever you’ve got. Go ahead, have a temper tantrum with him. God is your Heavenly Father and will still love you, just as a parent loves his or her child even when that child throws a fit.

You can’t see why God allows what he allows in your life, and God doesn’t owe you an explanation, because he’s God and you aren’t. But someday, and it might not be until you get to heaven, you’ll be able to look back and see the big plan. Until that day comes, keep taking your concerns to God.

Big change coming

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Tomorrow we will be experiencing a BIG change in our family.  Tomorrow our oldest will start attending the local (2 blocks away) high school.  He’ll be a Junior and it’s our first experience with public school.  (His Dad and I went to high school there too – in fact, his dad started there as a Junior too!)

I’m praying he loves it but I’m so nervous for him!  He’s got to be a bundle of nerves – and we are seeing some behavior that is more about his nervousness and less about choice, but it’s hard to remember that when it’s directed at you!

This morning he picked up his schedule – I think it’s a great blend of classes he will enjoy and a couple he will endure!

  1. Guitar
  2. Welding Tech 1
  3. Jr. Lit/Comp
  4. Wood Tech
  5. Math
  6. Color & Design
  7. US History

And then right after school tomorrow he heads over to meet with his therapist! I’m jealous she’ll get to hear about his first day before I will!  😉 But I’m glad he’ll have a chance to talk about it with her too!

I need some peace in my day! Good thing I’m heading for Tea at Linde Lane Tea room in Dixon with Ruth & Margaret Tomorrow! 🙂

2nd Thoughts

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I admit – I’m having 2nd, 3rds and 4th thoughts.  I don’t know what the final decision will be at this point.

To help me think – here are some of my thoughts…

  • The Elementary school I was envisioning was figuratively right around the corner – I can hear the children on the playground at recess time. However, the school says they are full.  They will let us know by the end of today (almost 2 hours ago now) where they could fit him in. 🙁  The next nearest school is a Spanish immersion school.  I don’t think that would be a good choice for him.
  • Maybe just having the teenager away during the day will relieve some of the pressure.
  • I “just so happened” to have my ES come by today to deliver some curriculum and go over my plans.  She is a great Christian woman who’s been really looking forward to working with J3.  She showed me how great it could be…but she also said she’d pray for us.  I don’t feel pressure from her, but her visit reminded me I’m NOT alone.
  • I’ve SO been looking forward to having him coming home and getting to spend more time with him.  I was also hoping to have time to help him explore his desire to play music and maybe even get into some theater.
  • I think J3 will be good for J2 – they can play word games together and J2 definitely needs to keep working on his social skills – esp his patience and tolerance for disruptions to his schedule.
As you can see, I’m so conflicted.  I wish the Lord would just send me a quick email so I would know what to do!

It’s just all too much

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We have 4 kids.

We have 4 kids with special needs.

We have 4 kids EACH with their OWN special needs.

We can’t meet all those needs.  We keep trying, but it’s just not happening.

This year, I’m not homeschooling the oldest.  He’s starting at the local high school for his Junior year. At first I wasn’t thrilled with this decision, but I’ve accepted that I can’t continue to meet his educational needs. Plus, as his therapist keep reminding us, we need a bit of distance.  I think having a break for about 7 hours a day might be a very good thing right now.

I am continuing to homeschool J2(14).  His educational needs are the greatest and it seems to be working for him.

I was planning to homeschool J3(10) this year too but I just can’t do it.  There is simply not enough of me to go around.  So, today, Hubs is going to the local elementary school to enroll him.

If you are a homeschooler, you are probably screaming at your monitor and wanting to write me a long email about how we are making the wrong decision.  But please don’t.  I respect your opinion, but we’ve discussed this off and on for months. We’ve been praying for direction and peace.  I’m not 100% at peace with this decision (maybe 90%), yet I know it’s the right thing to do right now.

I don’t want to homeschool because it is popular among my friends or because I want to call myself a homeschooler.  I want to do what is best for each person of the family.  That includes me.  Homeschooling ONE special needs child is a challenge many of you are familiar with.  Homeschooling FOUR special needs children at the same time….that is proving to be too weighty a burden for me and my husband.