In a Funk….again….

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I gathered my courage last week – Wednesday, to be exact – and called the caseworker. I had to leave a message. I asked her to call me back and let me know what was happening. No call back.

I then called the foster mom. It “wasn’t a good time” but she did tell me they still have ‘Princess’ in their home. She said she would write me. Nothing yet.

I, of course, jump to the conclusion that they don’t want to tell me what I would consider bad news.

I wish we had never gotten the phone call.

I wish there was someway I could have stayed uninvolved emotionally.

I wish I had never seen her photograph.

I wish I hadn’t given her a name in my heart.

I wish I had never told the boys.

I wish someone would contact me so that I can quit wishing.

Random Pictures

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Not sure why these didn’t get posted awhile back…guess I’ve been busy/distracted! 😉

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I’m posting this one mainly for Ruth. Do you recognize this? On Thanksgiving, this casserole came right out of the oven and had to be taken next door. The tea cozy was the perfect solution! 😀

Here are my boys on Halloween….two pirates and a mime!

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And, taken today – because I realized how few pictures I have of him….this is J1 today:

 

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And, be sure to check out his brand new blog! J1of4

I’m heading to my Knitting Blog to post some pictures there if you want more! 🙂

A prayer

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We still have not told the boys about the developments in regards to their sister.  Today, J1 prayed: “God, please protect our sister.  If it isn’t your plan to have her live with us, please give her a family where she can learn about you and be safe.”

It touched me so much!  I love to see these guys growing up.  I love to see them working out their faith.

Thankful for what I’ve learned

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  • I am thankful for my husband – He has taught me to be honest about my feelings
  • I am thankful for J1 – He has taught me what it means to be a mom to a boy.
  • I am thankful for J2 – He has taught me patience and perseverance.
  • I am thankful for J3 – He has taught me to smile through the pain.
  • I am thankful for Joshua – He taught me there is NO difference in the love of a child adopted or born into the family. He taught me that I am stronger than I thought.
  • I am thankful for knitting – It has taught me to relax.
  • I am thankful for Jesus – He has taught me that He values me.
  • I am thankful for home – It has taught me there is a place to feel safe.
  • I am thankful for the internet – It has taught me you can find friendship with people you’ll never actually meet.

I’m not giving up Hope…

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…but I’ve taken down the crib. There is nothing sadder than an empty crib. I’ve boxed up the blankets. Shoved the early gifts from well-intended family members into drawers. If the boys ask I have the convenient excuse that Grammy needs to borrow the crib – Bless You Grammy!

I don’t know anything new. I haven’t heard from anyone in at least two weeks. I pray Princess is still safely in the same foster family – but I don’t even know that for sure.

Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart faileth: [but] God [is] the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.