Yesterday, 3 of my 4 kiddos had parent teacher conferences planned.  (Yes, even the homeschooler!  Though I am blessed to have those every two weeks.  I am beyond blessed with the wonderful, Godly woman who helps me plan and implement his schoolwork.)

The bottom line is that they are all struggling, but they are progressing! PTL! And I do! But I still find myself sad.  Have you read this analogy explaining what it’s like to have a child with a disability?  Please take a moment and read it.  That’s why I am sad.  I am learning to love Holland, but I can’t help but still want to be in Italy.

I am proofing the April issue of the wonderful homeschooling magazine for which I work.  I look at the curriculum reviews and the articles and I am so excited about them.  And, then I remember that I am living in Holland and if I teach in Italian my kids not only won’t they learn, but I will frustrate them to the point they won’t want to try.

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Lord, thank you for my kids. Thank you that they keep trying even though it never comes easy to them.  Help me create an environment where they want to try.  Show me how to help them when it’s hard.  Give us joy while we are in this season!

Do you remember that J2 has some significant learning disabilities?  Well, they really affect his ability to read fluidly and therefore, reading for pleasure just hasn’t been something he’s done.  Until we started to use audiobooks for literature.

Recently, he has been listening to the Hunger Games Trilogy.  I wasn’t sure how much he was getting out of it, because to say he’s laconic, is just the tip of the iceberg! 😉  But when he finished the first book, I put the first movie in our Netflix queue.  After watching it,  he said something I never thought I’d hear him say,

It was a good movie, but the book was SO much better!

😀 What a blessing to hear!

Today I’m thankful for the charter school I’m using to help my 2nd son finish school.  They have enriched our experience so much in the past couple of years.  There are many groups and aids online, but I didn’t realize how much personal support I needed until the Lord provided it.  Now I can look back and see how the Lord lead us to work with this school and to a teacher who such an encouragement to me!

I admit – I’m having 2nd, 3rds and 4th thoughts.  I don’t know what the final decision will be at this point.

To help me think – here are some of my thoughts…

  • The Elementary school I was envisioning was figuratively right around the corner – I can hear the children on the playground at recess time. However, the school says they are full.  They will let us know by the end of today (almost 2 hours ago now) where they could fit him in. 🙁  The next nearest school is a Spanish immersion school.  I don’t think that would be a good choice for him.
  • Maybe just having the teenager away during the day will relieve some of the pressure.
  • I “just so happened” to have my ES come by today to deliver some curriculum and go over my plans.  She is a great Christian woman who’s been really looking forward to working with J3.  She showed me how great it could be…but she also said she’d pray for us.  I don’t feel pressure from her, but her visit reminded me I’m NOT alone.
  • I’ve SO been looking forward to having him coming home and getting to spend more time with him.  I was also hoping to have time to help him explore his desire to play music and maybe even get into some theater.
  • I think J3 will be good for J2 – they can play word games together and J2 definitely needs to keep working on his social skills – esp his patience and tolerance for disruptions to his schedule.
As you can see, I’m so conflicted.  I wish the Lord would just send me a quick email so I would know what to do!

We have 4 kids.

We have 4 kids with special needs.

We have 4 kids EACH with their OWN special needs.

We can’t meet all those needs.  We keep trying, but it’s just not happening.

This year, I’m not homeschooling the oldest.  He’s starting at the local high school for his Junior year. At first I wasn’t thrilled with this decision, but I’ve accepted that I can’t continue to meet his educational needs. Plus, as his therapist keep reminding us, we need a bit of distance.  I think having a break for about 7 hours a day might be a very good thing right now.

I am continuing to homeschool J2(14).  His educational needs are the greatest and it seems to be working for him.

I was planning to homeschool J3(10) this year too but I just can’t do it.  There is simply not enough of me to go around.  So, today, Hubs is going to the local elementary school to enroll him.

If you are a homeschooler, you are probably screaming at your monitor and wanting to write me a long email about how we are making the wrong decision.  But please don’t.  I respect your opinion, but we’ve discussed this off and on for months. We’ve been praying for direction and peace.  I’m not 100% at peace with this decision (maybe 90%), yet I know it’s the right thing to do right now.

I don’t want to homeschool because it is popular among my friends or because I want to call myself a homeschooler.  I want to do what is best for each person of the family.  That includes me.  Homeschooling ONE special needs child is a challenge many of you are familiar with.  Homeschooling FOUR special needs children at the same time….that is proving to be too weighty a burden for me and my husband.