Quotes I love

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I’m challenging myself to write more.  To that end, I’ve found a site called “Mama’s Losin’ It!” which shares weekly writing prompts. This week I chose “List 6 of your favorite quotes”.  If you want to join me in this challenge, click the logo at the end of this journal entry!

Faith is not believing that God can ~
it is Knowing that He will.
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Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.
Oswald Chambers

 

We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.
Oswald Chambers

 

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
C.S. (Clive Staples) Lewis, A Grief Observed (1961). A great book!

 

Grief fills the room up of my absent child,
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,
Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,
Remembers me of all his gracious parts,
Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;
Then have I reason to be fond of grief.
William Shakespeare, Constance, in King John, act 3, sc. 4, l. 93-5 (1623).

And, my newest favorite,

I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.
Flannery O’Connor

Yes, there is a theme of faith and grief….but that is my life. 🙂 I’m so glad I don’t have the grief without the faith!

Mama’s Losin’ It

Journaling – why?

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When I journal here, I think of the line from “You’ve Got Mail” when Kathleen Kelly is emailing her anonymous friend,

 I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.

I know that most of my writing is for myself.  I ran across this on pinterest the other day and I instantly recognized it as true for me!

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This is not to say I don’t want to hear from you! I do!  But, please don’t feel you have to participate unless you want to participate.  I’d love to hear from you, learn more about you. But I’m also ok with sending out my thoughts to the void – for it is serving it’s purpose.

So, thank you, dear void!

Trust

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In my Bible, (well, my old Bible, now I use a Bible App that I can access across various devices and has reading plans and a note section) is this quote:

What are you trusting God for,

so that when it happens you know

that only He could have done it?

I have no idea who first asked this question and I only know that some point when we lived in Portland, OR I first scribbled it in my Bible.

As I reflected on this question, I began to wonder if I can entrust Him with the big things that are too big for me.  So big I couldn’t comprehend a resolution.  So, almost as a test, I started trusting Him for some big things – things too big for me and, no surprise to most of you, He has been faithful.

I’ve trusted Him with our family.  I am a mom to five now!

I’ve trusted Him with our finances.  School debts and lots of ignorance about credit cards led to a big financial burden, but now we live in one of the most expensive states and have bought a home.  I couldn’t even dare to think it was a possibility but I trusted Him with it.

I’ve even trusted Him with the death of Joshua – that all things, even death, will be used for our good.

When things feel too big.  Too hard.  And I hear myself thinking words like “can’t” “impossible” and “it simply won’t happen” . . . I remember that I am not alone and He has been faithful before and will be faithful again.

Living in Holland

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Yesterday, 3 of my 4 kiddos had parent teacher conferences planned.  (Yes, even the homeschooler!  Though I am blessed to have those every two weeks.  I am beyond blessed with the wonderful, Godly woman who helps me plan and implement his schoolwork.)

The bottom line is that they are all struggling, but they are progressing! PTL! And I do! But I still find myself sad.  Have you read this analogy explaining what it’s like to have a child with a disability?  Please take a moment and read it.  That’s why I am sad.  I am learning to love Holland, but I can’t help but still want to be in Italy.

I am proofing the April issue of the wonderful homeschooling magazine for which I work.  I look at the curriculum reviews and the articles and I am so excited about them.  And, then I remember that I am living in Holland and if I teach in Italian my kids not only won’t they learn, but I will frustrate them to the point they won’t want to try.

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Lord, thank you for my kids. Thank you that they keep trying even though it never comes easy to them.  Help me create an environment where they want to try.  Show me how to help them when it’s hard.  Give us joy while we are in this season!

Ten Years

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Tomorrow marks the tenth anniversary of losing our son, Joshua.

I could really use your prayers.

I am having a hard time.

I don’t want to talk, write or any of the things I normally do on hard days.

I can’t express myself and I feel myself drawing inward. Maybe this is what I need to do – be quiet.

In some ways that makes sense.