Battling Discouragement

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Finding it hard to stay upbeat and Hopeful today.  Going to fight it the only way I know how – focusing on the truth.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Joshua 1:9 ESV

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

John 10:10 ESV

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Psalm 56:3-4 ESV

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

Romans 12:12 ESV

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Losing a child

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All I can think about is the moms, dads, and siblings of those lost children. One day you wake up and it is just another day. But by the end of your day, your life is completely upside down and there is no more normal days.

I so look forward to heaven where there is no tears, no pain, and no more loss. We will be reunited with our lost loved ones and never be parted.

Maybe you think I am simple to have such faith, but the only way I can face the pain of loss and the daily struggle with grief is to know there is more than this life. I choose everyday to believe and thus, I can go on.

Tired

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I’m so tired and discouraged and I can’t talk about any of the things going on.  🙁  I know that some of this is grief, maybe more than I realize, but some of it is not.  Oh, heck, for all I know it’s all grief related. When does this get easier?!

 

More changes

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For the last 9 mos, my eldest has been spending almost every weekend, most parts of every holiday with a friend in Sacramento. This has given us all respite and a it’s been needed. Today that changes. After today he is spending most of his time with this friend’s family and will be visiting here instead. 🙁

I think it would be easier if he was going off to a school or Job Corps. I’d feel like that was a step forward. But this is a step sideways at best. This is admitting that we can’t live together…that he’s better away from us. 🙁 That hurts.

It seems like only yesterday we were bringing him home and showing him his room and his toys. I remember the first time he called me Momma.

But it’s been hard for a long time. My head understands why this is a good thing for ALL of us, but my heart does not! I just wish love HAD been enough to help him.