Tonight is one of those nights…everything is normal….but I notice the loss.
I wonder what one more boys voice would add to the chaos. I dream of watching Josh (who would be 3 now) play with J3 (4) in one room while the “Big Boys” play the game system in the other. I pretend I’m glad there is only three boys to clean up after, try to keep clothed and presentable.
My head tells my heart that we are doing ok. But there are nights like tonight where I can see, feel and hear the loss.
I decided to check out your blog after seeing the link on an email you posted on the menus4moms group. I homeschool too and just recently joined that list. After reading your page for Joshua my heart breaks for you….. What a gorgeous baby. He will always be with you and his memory will live on through you. Our third child Devon was born with a congenital heart defect and died during the first surgey. He only lived one day but not a day goes by 8 years later that I dont think of him! If you ever need to talk please email me.
Hugs,
Kimberly~
Oh I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine your grief.We lost one too, but as a miscarriage so I never “met” him/her, but I STILL get sad and wonder too. I can’t imagine if I were able to hold and love (what I think was a) her.
Somehow, someway, someday, this pain will be for a reason, it’ll benefit someone, somehow. We’re too limited to know God’s ways right now. (((HUG))) Hope you are feeling better today
That is such a devastating loss. It must be so hard to know what to tell your boys, when they ask about their brother. When they’re older they will understand better that God has special plans for each one of us.
My oldest sister was stillborn, and she never got to know what it was like to go to school, get married, etc. Not having her in my life all these years is like being in a solar system missing one of its planets.
Oh Amy… praying for you. The picture of the 6 of you is just beautiful.
I lost a baby girl 20 wks into my pregnancy, she lived for 15 minutes, but I was under general anasthesia so I didn’t get to hold her. My life was saved, Thank God, to raise my 3 children, now 17yob, 15yob, and 8yog. But I will always be sad that my daughter doesn’t have her playmate who would be 6 this year. I’m not sure exactly what God was trying to teach me, but I believe it has something to do with trusting Him. God Bless you, sweetie. Give those boys lots of hugs (especially the prickly 10yo!), no TV is a great thing for boys temperaments, and lots of outdoor activity . . .oops, rambling!
My wife and I lost our 1st child when she was 6 weeks old to medical malpractice…she would be 4 in Oct…we keep pictures of her all over our house and when our 2 other children (3 & 2) ask who the baby in the pictures is we tell them its your big sissy and she is in heaven…I like to think that all of the little kids play together in a special place God has reserved for them…