Today I’ve been struggling. I’ve been thinking that DH didn’t want me to homeschool the boys – grudgling agreeing to let me continue HSing J2 because of his need to go slower than a classroom would allow him. Our oldest is in DH’s classroom – and loves it – and we are having so many clashes that Dh and I felt that it was best for him to be under his dad’s mentorship more right now. Anyway, I assumed he wanted J3 to go to the school’s kindergarten and I was being quiet and trying to be submissive …. but really I was just pouting.
But last night I mentioned to him how I feel disconnected from our local HS group because I don’t have his support. To say he was shocked was an understatement. I was assuming something that he hadn’t said and he was thinking this is what I wanted. And, it gave me pause. Do I want to HS J3? Do I feel I can do it? Will I be faithful? Will I be able to manage two children? Anyway, I just generally have been freaking out this morning and trying to get my head and heart lined up.
Then I recalled an exchange I had with my mom this morning. She sent me this email (Ozzie is Oswald Chambers):
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might. Ecclesiastes 9:10 …and Ozzie says, “We have no right to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. Wherever He puts us, our great aim is to pour out a whole hearted devotion to Him in that particular work.
Which made me think of a favorite verse, so I replied:
And, we can take comfort in the fact that He will equip us – “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezk 36:26)
But I was not applying it to my day! About 5 mins ago I realized how this applied to my recent troubled mind! What a dolt I can be!! So, if you are a friend of mine, I would definitely appreciate your prayers for me – I need a new heart. I need to remember why HS is a joy and that this time with my boys can be enjoyed! Thanking GOD I don’t have to walk this path alone!!
follow God’s leading and he won’t let you down! PTL
I was a little confused by your post…dh actually is supportive of you homeschooling? Do I understand right that you do want to continue homeschooling but you were discouraged feeling that DH didn’t want you to, but when you asked him you found out your assumptions were wrong and he actually does want you to and/or is supportive of whatever you decide? Praying for you. My verse, that I have to tell myself ad nauseum is “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. (emphasis mine…to myself!) Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight.” I need the reminder every day! :o)
I pray for you every day Amy – I should just tell you more often. Love you.