I need to get myself back under control.
It started small. It always does.
I’ve started comparing myself to others and, surprise, I come up short.
It’s been something I’ve been plagued with since our Seminary days. I find a group of like-minded individuals and I love to spend time with them. But then it starts. I start to compare my abilities/gifts/priorities with my friends. And, then I start to get down on myself. No matter that I can’t play the piano, don’t have a size 2 body or the resources to spend every weekend in ministry to the homeless. Bye-bye goes my contentment with who I am and what I do.
And, I’ve done this over and over again.
But nothing compares to the way I get down on myself about homeschooling. Maybe because it’s such a big part of our life. Or maybe it’s because what I do each day affects the boys and their futures!  I don’t really know. But I’ve worked and worked on keeping a good attitude about what I do and how I do it.
I’ve found that for me to maintain a good attitude, I need consider the limits of my children, myself and our resources.
But still I find myself looking at others and wishing my life was different. My children were different. And even more, that I was different.
I hope to write more about this – and I pray I’m not the only one who struggles with this!!
Amy,
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
Renee
Amy, when we forget that God created us just exactly the way He wanted us to be, that is when the negative thoughts come in and take over. God doesn’t make mistakes. He has put you where you are and given you the strength to do the job. Forgive yourself and accept HIS GRACE.
And, I know, it isn’t simple. But He will help. His grace is sufficient.
I say this from experience and with love.
Amy, I think homeschooling is so personal and when we start comparing ourselves it effects our intelligence, our abilities as a human, not just our talents as a person and it reflects our parenting, our children’s intelligence etc. Having 2 girls with learning disabilities and ADHD I do the same thing. Why aren’t my little girls sitting nicely in their dresses? Why aren’t they playing with dollies instead of swinging from the grapefruit tree? Why aren’t they reading Little House on the Prairie instead of swinging underneath their chair and torturing the cat while I read to them? I think what happens in homeschooling is a reality smack into the face of all our hopes and dreams. I constantly need to give this back to God, over and over and over and over.
You, Amy, are an amazing woman. You encourage so many people just by putting one foot in front of the other and showing up for life every day. That takes more character, courage and fortitude than all the talents in the world. I love you!
Amy, your post captures one of my struggles big time too. its a powerful undercurrent that pulls me down and freezes me and my energy. Its part of the perfectionISM that I use as a ruler to measure my sucessess and failure. and perfectionism never lets you get it right. It can be “good enough”…doesn’t need to be perfect. Homeschooling is not the only thing you do…you are doing multitudes of things…working, cooking, dealing with grief, being a wife…etc…let it be good enough. because it is. Guess that why God says to look at him. only he had to be perfect. we are in process and our kids can watch us and learn that they don’t need to be perfect either.
I don’t think anyone doesn’t come up short when they compare themselves to others. And with four kids? You are WAY too hard on yourself.
If it matters to you, I think you’re a wonderful, caring and capable person.
Quite normal you have presented some fantastic facts. Been a lurker on the webpage for some time and needed to thank you for taking the time to publish it.
Dearest, I echo some of your sentiments too. You are not alone sweetheart. I too find myself sometimes wishing our children were more normal, that our lives seemed more fruitful and full of more of those quality moments that seem to make life worth all the hassle. I often wish that I were more studious, a better provider, more even tempered, less idealistic. Sometimes life seems like a bowl of pits while others seem to get all the cherrys. Our experiences with ministry and parenting have NOT been warm and fuzzy like so many people seem to have. It doesn’t seem fair does it?
But our lives DO have blessings and many memorable moments where life is sweet. We just have SO many ugly ones it can drown out the good ones.
But please make no mistake – YOU are an amazing woman. Your mind runs deep and clear, you are able to communicate in ways that make me envy you, you have more patience than you realize, and you are gentle and kind my beloved. It does not surprise me that you have dozens of friends on 3 continents (maybe 4). You, honey, are made of gold – you rise above the rest w/out taking up center stage in the spotlight. Because of that, it can be tempting to look at those in the spotlight and feel you lack something. But, I assure you, you do not. You are a Proverbs 31 woman through and through. Our family would be lost w/out you. I would be lost w/out you. Thanks be to God above that you are in my life.
OK… Your hubby’s comment has made me cry. (in a good way) 🙂
I always feel like I come up short in the homeschool department. I read a blog of someone who homeschools (mainly my SIL’s blog), and everything sounds so PERFECT… And our house and things that go on are so far from perfect! … I have to remind myself they they only tell us the good stuff, and that just because we never read anything bad, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen… You know?
Trust me… I wish I could be more of a wife/mother/homemaker like you, but I tend to be on the lazy side! *lol*