I’ve been struggling with lots of pressures over the past few days…..you mommies know how it goes…I can either be a good housekeeper or a good mommy or a well, that’s about all I can juggle. However, there are other things that pull at me – like being a knitter, a studier of the Word, a reader, getting some time to myself, having and being a friend, getting healthy. Yes, some are obviously not important – but it is still there.
Right now…
- My floors desperately need to be swept and mopped.
- My bathroom needs an overhaul.
- My Bible beckons me to come and be quiet before the Lord.
- My son needs someone to listen to him read.
- The crockpot needs to be filled with healthy food for our dinner.
- I need to work on a cabled scarf I’m starting as a gift (dang, I hate deadlines)…my sweater (it’s almost sweater season here in CA!!)…and another baby kimono I’m knitting.
- I’m stressing about money – why is it never simple? And, why is there never enough??
- My son just informed me he does not want cereal but wants a “real” breakfast. “sigh”
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH OF ME TO GO AROUND!!!!
When will this feeling of pressure go away?? When will the band around my chest loosen? I need a break. I get up in the morning and it’s all about everyone else. Not only my family’s needs and expectations – but other people outside the family too! If I’m lucky I can sit down for about 30 min and knit. But then DH walks in the door and I feel guilty! What’s up with that? I know I’ve worked all day. He, if he thinks about it, should realize that too! And maybe he does…but the guilt is there. Then I’m up – finishing dinner and starting homework for #1 and #3. Dinner and then cleaning up afterwards. 80% of the time I go to bed as soon as possible just to have some quiet time – I’m an introvert – I’ve learned that I NEED quiet, alone time. Sadly, my patience is almost non-existent in the evening. More guilt.
Ok – enough whining – this isn’t going to clean my floors! So, I listened to my Bible and I plan to hit the local stuffmart later today for cleaning supplies and a new dustpan so I can clean the floors and the bathroom. Chicken Cacciatore will go in the crockpot from the new Diabetic Fix It and Forget It. I’ll start school after breakfast (he’s having cereal – not even that much of a protest) and maybe I’ll knit while he reads to me.
(endofrant)
I am so with you right now… Seriously. Yesterday I was a bad day, and I had to stop school early and take a bath, just to get back into gear… I felt awful, and now we’re even more behind… Plus there is the stress of knowing whether I’m doing a good enough job at teachning the kids… What if I’m not? What if they’re behind, and I don’t know it, because there is nothing I can compair them with?… I read other people’s pages, and it sounds like their kids are doing SO MUCH BETTER… And their kids LOVE school… and I think, “what am I doing wrong?”…
*sighs*
I love a good rant!
You know, that whole guilt thing – I don’t get it either! Yesterday I busted my butt in the bathroom and back porch, total overhaul. DH came home and I had to take him on a “tour” because nothing was noticable and dinner was leftovers. WHY guilt??? All I can figure is it’s satans way of keeping us down. Hang in there sis – we got your back and we are right there beside ya!!!
Love you!!