Today I have to take #2 & #3 son into the doctor for some shots and a checkup and I’m soooo dreading it. It’s not that I have a phobia about doctors, but since losing Joshie they are scarier than dentists! 🙁 And, knowing that both boys will be getting shots is freaking me out. And, #1 son is not very helpful at times like these and I need them to be good for many reasons.
Can you please pray that I have the Lord’s peace as I approach this appointment….that it is over quickly and without notice….and that the Lord remove the feelings of fear and panic I have from being in a medical office again after losing Josh?
It’s hard to trust a doctor anymore!
Thank you all who have faithfully emailed me to let me know that you miss my posts and hope I’m doing well. Bottom line….I wasn’t. The end of February holds the anniversary of losing Joshua and then it seems I barely get my head back together and it’s May which holds his birthday – he would have been 2 this year. It becomes hard to write here because I require only truth of myself when I write..and the pain is just too hard to relive through writing. I hope you will forgive my absences from time to time and send up a prayer or two when I’m quiet.
Now for the good news!!
First: Eric has a new job!! He is teaching Fourth grade at Neighborhood Christian school in Dixon, CA He just finished his first week (3 days though) and loves it. He says the kids are great and the other staff and administration are awesome!! PTL!
Second: We are moving into a rental house!! Out of the apartments!! Yeah!! And, not only will we have a yard, but it’s a double lot, so it’s a HUGE backyard. When I can post pictures I’ll be sure to do that here.
Third: Well, there is no third, except we are so excited to see the Lord working in our lives! Not only to meet our needs over the last few years but to carry us through the pain and grief of losing Josh and now to meet our needs with a great job that Eric enjoys and a home where the boys can run and jump all they want!! Also, Eric and I are working with a team to start a new ministry at church and we are heavily involved in the 40 days of Purpose at our church this fall. More on all that soon!
For now I need to get offline and start my day – which means get some things packed for our move next week! Gosh, it feels great to share my praises, thoughts and heart here – thanks for listening!!
This week I started to feel bad about the fact that we couldn’t offer the children various lessons that many HSers in our area are taking advantage of – like fencing, karate, music, art, etc. In fact, I was getting pretty serious about joining a local charter school – sure I’d give up some of my freedom (we have alot in Calif) but I wanted the lesson/curriculum money!
As I talked to DH I explained my struggle and he put his foot down as the charter school required a minimum of 4 hours per school day regardless of age. This would not work for us right now. And, I realized, as we talked, that I hadn’t asked the Lord to meet this need. A few minutes later I remembered that our oldest told us that the Jr church music leader had told J1 he’d teach him how to play guitar if he got a guitar. And, then that afternoon a fellow HSer had said, we have a student guitar handy if you need it. I hadn’t told her what I was thinking about the charter schools because I knew she wouldn’t approve!
I started to get excited and realize that even though I hadn’t told the Lord yet, He was already working thing out to meet this need. I did a little research this week and found out that the going rate is $85/mo for weekly 1/2 hr lessons. 🙁 But I figured God wanted me to trust Him to provide this money. Today DH talked to the Jr church music leader and he said he’d love to teach J1 and that he doesn’t accept any money – it’s his ministry! God provided again!!
And, we found out that the boys can take karate at the local parks and rec for $20/mo each – and since we don’t have to pay for music lessons, we can afford these lessons! Yeah!!
And (as if that wasn’t enough!) I found out for $50 we can get a family membership at the Davis Art Center which gives us $10 off all lessons – anything from drawing to painting to knitting to drama and dance! Most classes are $40-50 so it’s going to be more expensive….but it might be well worth it!
Praising the Lord for His provision!!!
J2(7), J3(3) and J1(9)
taken January, 2004
Saturday night I was sure I’d never live through Sunday. I was so scared to wake up and remember my baby has been gone for 1 whole year. I remembered how hard the first month had been….his first birthday without any celebration….the day I realized he’d been gone longer than he’d been with me….and I was sure there was no way I’d live through it.
But I woke up and felt … insulated. It was like nothing could really penetrate. At first I was worried that I had shut down and was really worried I was losing it. But then I realized I was peaceful. I began to realize that the Lord was protecting me. And, I am so thankful….
Thank you all for your prayers during this time!
We miss you Joshie and we look forward to being reunited with you!