Burnout

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Until I read this article, I didn’t realize what I am dealing with is burnout.  I was worried it was depression, exhaustion and maybe those are side affects of this for me.  But I am done… d.o.n.e.  I’ve got nothing left to give.

However, I still have a husband to encourage, kids who need me at various levels (for some I’m “just” a cheer leader – man, is THAT emotionally exhausting!!) and a home to run.  AND, a job with some of the best people you’d ever want to work with – plus, I get to work in my PJs!  Cakewalk right…well, no, it is still a job! lol  And just enough out of my comfort zone to be exhausting many days!

Ok – so that’s what I’m dealing with – but what am I going to do about?

The article I referred to above (read it yet? Do! I’ll wait!) was written for teachers, but the author, Vicki Davis, could have written it for ANYone who is weary after a season of intense focus – sound like homeschooling anyone?

She outlined 12 choices to help – a few I already do (1,4,7,8,…) but a few would be new or need to be picked up again.  So, here’s my plan!

#2 on her list was “Choose to Disconnect.”    I can’t disconnect from my family or my home (though I try to keep Sunday very quiet).  But as my job is mainly online, I am often checking work email on my ipad even though I might not be working.  Thus, I feel that I am always working – because I am.  I’m going to delete my work email from my ipad.  I need down time to be more creative and have something to give when I am working.

#3 on her list was “Choose to be Mindful.”  I think it’s time I get up earlier than my family again.  I chose to stop as I was tired. But it’s easier now as during the summer we allow the kids to sleep longer and even Hubs, when he’s not working, enjoys sleeping longer.  I could easily get up 30 mins before them and enjoy the quiet house that allows me to listen and connect with God.

#6 was “Choose to be Grateful”, but really it was about Journaling. d974fa50a2ce7777b46bec697020a0aaAfter my son died, my blog was my way to stay in touch with life. Also, I have written posts that will never go online in my quest back to Joy.  But I find I am writing less and less either online or in my paper journals.  So I’m choosing to write more.  Maybe I will find a journal prompt list or maybe I will just sit here and let my fingers tell me what I’m feeling.

This and a few other points combined together reminded me that I need to make time for the things that are important to me. So I’m also going to get back to scrapbooking this summer while I have some time.  Maybe I will start a book for each of the kids or just try to get the most recent pictures labeled and on pages!

Knit Night has been a great blessing to allow me to have a weekly knitting time with fellow crafters! I wish I could find that for scrapbooking but for now, I’ll find a time on my calendar, and commit to working on it a little bit each week!

So, to sum up – my goals for the next week few weeks are

  • Separate work time better – take my work email off my iPad.
  • Get up earlier to enjoy the quiet house – to start my day in peace.
  • Make time to both write and scrapbook weekly.  Not sure what that will look like yet, but I’ll keep you updated!

I’m never sure if anyone reads this or even cares, but I’d love to know if anyone else is struggling with burnout and what you are doing about it.  Leave me some feedback and let’s have a conversation!

I don’t live there anymore

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I’m challenging myself to write more.  To that end, I’ve found a site called “Mama’s Losin’ It!” which shares weekly writing prompts. This week I chose this one:

Look into your archives. What were you blogging about a year ago around this time? Are you still dealing with the same thing? Your thoughts?

If you want to join me in this challenge, click the logo at the end of this journal entry!

I went back in my archives and looked at April 2012.  There isn’t a single post that it’s a tweet.  And, there are lots of Bible verses quoted.  In my life that is a sign that there are things happening which are unbloggable.  And the Bible quotes are reminders to me that I will be ok.  I put them where I will see them as reminders!

To be honest all of 2012 and most of 2011 are a blur. I remember lots of fear, heart break and anxiety.  There was a time I would jump at any loud noise.  Where I kept my doors locked so that I could control who felt they had a right to be here.  I let them in, but only after I said a quick prayer for peace.  There were nights I was worried I would be murdered in my sleep….who can sleep when you have that fear?  There was lots of anger.  Lots of rage.  And lots of prayer.

I couldn’t share it here, and still can’t.  In fact there was no place to really share it.  I pulled in and quit going most places.  But I kept going to Knit Night when I could, and those ladies heard some of what was happening.  Bless them for not throwing my depressing butt out! 😉

Yes, 2012 was hard, but I can say that 2013 is really shaping up to be better and I am so thankful for it!  Here is to looking ahead and loving the fact that I don’t live there anymore!

Mama’s Losin’ It

Quotes I love

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I’m challenging myself to write more.  To that end, I’ve found a site called “Mama’s Losin’ It!” which shares weekly writing prompts. This week I chose “List 6 of your favorite quotes”.  If you want to join me in this challenge, click the logo at the end of this journal entry!

Faith is not believing that God can ~
it is Knowing that He will.
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Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.
Oswald Chambers

 

We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.
Oswald Chambers

 

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
C.S. (Clive Staples) Lewis, A Grief Observed (1961). A great book!

 

Grief fills the room up of my absent child,
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,
Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,
Remembers me of all his gracious parts,
Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;
Then have I reason to be fond of grief.
William Shakespeare, Constance, in King John, act 3, sc. 4, l. 93-5 (1623).

And, my newest favorite,

I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.
Flannery O’Connor

Yes, there is a theme of faith and grief….but that is my life. 🙂 I’m so glad I don’t have the grief without the faith!

Mama’s Losin’ It

Five on Friday

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1. Would you go to your high school reunion?

I haven’t so far.  And, I really can’t imagine doing it in the future.  My school was too big and impersonal.  However, if my elementary and middle school had a reunion I would be there!

2. What’s something that you’ve recently splurged on; either for yourself or someone else?

Sandals for the kids on the way to the beach.  It wasn’t really planned in our, so it counts as splurging.  If you know me, you know I am pretty disciplined, so this is pretty abnormal.

3. How do you handle your child’s fever?

I’m one of those wait and see moms.  I know the body is trying to fight something so I keep an eye on it, don’t let them be in pain, but we don’t call the doctor for every fever either.

4. What’s the nicest thing to happen to you lately?

My youngest told me she likes it when I play with her. I don’t think of myself as a playing mom (see that disciplined thing – there is a downside!) so that really blessed me!

5. What is your current favorite song?

I’m currently really enjoying this one – hope you do too!

“I Smile” by Kirk Franklin (trying another video as the first one didn’t work!)

Seventh Grade memories

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I’m challenging myself to write more.  To that end, I’ve found a site called “Mama’s Losin’ It!” which shares weekly writing prompts. This week I chose “A Seventh Grade Memory”.  If you want to join me in this challenge, click the logo at the end of this journal entry!

When I think about seventh grade, I cringe and blush.  Man, that was a hard age!  I was 12 but so wanted to be 13!  I went to a small private school and though we were in middle school (our school was K-9), seventh graders were kept apart from the eighth and ninth graders to some extent, which just added to the temptation for bullying.  If you don’t really know someone, you don’t care if you hurt them.

One of the only classes in which we would be integrated with the upper grades was Physical Education. In this class, we were required to suit up in supposedly modest jumpsuits.  Ok I just took a trip down memory lane via google for you all.  And, I found them! Oh my – they are even worse than I remember them!

gym clothes

Click here for more information on these god-awful outfits!

If you were busty – and I was – they didn’t look too bad.  But if you grew during the school year, they would rise up pretty uncomfortably! And, let’s not go down that rabbit trail any further, shall we?

Yes, these were pretty hideous, but what was worse, was that the enclosures on the front of the outfit – from neckline to just above your crotch – was snaps.  No buttons to lose I guess.  But there was a definite downside.  Those older girls would run by us on the playing field and grab one side of the jumpsuit.  As they passed, our jumpsuit would be opened (there was no belt as pictured above on on suits) exposing everything we did – or didn’t have and putting it on display.  Oh, it was agony!  This was one of the events in my life which helped me decide that I would raise my children to be defenders of the weak and young! And, I always try to put myself in other’s shoes all the time if I am tempted to judge them.

Bottom line, as I tell my kids all the time, I wouldn’t go back to seventh grade for any amount of money!

Mama’s Losin’ It