Foster Podcast Interview

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Last month I was interviewed by Wendy of the Foster Parenting Podcast.  Today it was released and you can listen to it via iTunes or their website: http://fosterpodcast.com/episode-70-interview-adoptive-parent-amy I hope it is a blessing to other families who consider adopting via the foster care system.

It’s a bit scary to put yourself out there in such a public way.  I am feeling pretty vulnerable, but I love educating others about infertility, adoption and foster care (or at least what I’ve learned about them).  If you listen, please let me know what you thought.

Does my voice really sound like that?? 😉

Adoption Status

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We have been in a waiting pattern with our adoption of Sissy.  But Good News today!!!  The adoption papers will be heading our way very soon for our signatures.  As soon as we return them, they go to the judge for his signature and then it’s done!!

Parenthood has been very hard lately – so this is a little bit of joy in the midst of it all!

Stuff

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I’m feeling a bit down.  My birthday can do that to me.  I always struggle with dates that put me in the center of attention.  On one hand, I want the recognition, the love and validation.  But on the other hand I struggle with believing that I am worthy of it or that anyone will want to celebrate with me.  So then I try to act like I don’t really want to do anything special.  But then I get my feelings hurt when nothing happens. lol  Yeah, I’m a mess!  Poor Hubs!

But I’m also weary which always contributes to my low moods.  Sissy has been waking up 15 min after we go to bed.  We’ve comforted her, tended to her and then hoped she’d go back to sleep.  No luck!  So, she’s spent the last 3 nights in our bed.  And, she’s a bed hog and a kicker.

Also, I talked to the assistant to our adoption lawyer today – and she said it will take 6-10 weeks just to get our paperwork!!!  The case she’s working on right now took 3 mos.  Please understand, this is not to finalize the adoption, it is to just get their hands on our paperwork to start the process.  Then it will be a few weeks of sending documents back and forth for signatures and then it will get filed in the court system.  That will be another waiting time.  And, then – hopefully sometime this fall – we’ll get a letter saying it’s done!

Just typing this out makes me want to cry. Really she’s already our daughter…but we want to be done with different names and silly paperwork.  We love our caseworker, but it would be nice to see her a whole lot less often.  It would be nice to know we are done.

Maybe I should go try to get a nap.

Our Adoption Story – Part 3

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Part1 :: Part 2 ::

So, we had J1 for about 4 mos when we learned that his Tummy Mommy (we prefer that over birth mom) had given birth to another boy.  Her lifestyle had not changed and, in fact, by the time the state called us, she had already disappeared.  It wasn’t that she didn’t love her children, but she is so totally without skills to parent.  I think she gets so completely overwhelmed that it is just easier to disappear and let someone else take care of her children.

We never hesitated about our decision that, if J2 was available for adoption, then we would do everything we could to make sure the brothers were together.

Even though the Tummy Mommy was out of the picture, they system would only work so fast.  So, while we wanted him the moment we heard about him, we learned that it would be awhile.  At first, all we knew was that J2 was in a medical foster home in the Portland metro area.  But eventually we were given the foster mom’s phone number.  I have my notes from my first phone calls with Laurie somewhere.  After a few phone calls (I hope I wasn’t a pest!) Laurie graciously extended the invitation to come visit J2 and her family.  It was a neat experience.  Not only did we get to meet and hold tiny J2, but Laurie and her family were a joy!

One visit, we went along with them to J2’s doctor’s appt!  I imagine that was something to see!  One dad (Doug was at work), one mom with a toddler, and another mom with an infant (J2) and a triple stroller and a few more kids! lol  But it was so neat to hear the Doctor give us an update on his withdrawal experience and development.  The Doctor seemed to roll with the fact that J2 had two mommies! lol

In December of 1996, Laurie and her family were planning a vacation over the Christmas break.  Laurie worked it out so that we would be her respite foster parents for J2.  So we were going to have him for 2 weeks!  We were pretty excited about that.  But then someone realized that we could just make the permanent transition from her home to ours.  After all, we were foster parents at that point too.  We weren’t considered his adoptive placement home (that would come later) but he could live with us as foster parents.  To be honest, I have NO idea who instigated it or even if it was acceptable.  But we were beyond excited!

On December 13, 1996, Laurie and her family drove to The Dalles and brought us the best Christmas gift!  We ordered pizzas and tried to make it more like a visit than anything really formal.  But as Laurie explained to me about his medications and feeding needs, I struck by the enormity of what we were doing!  I was going to be Momma to 2 boys – ages 23 mos and 3 mos old.  Laurie shed more than a few tears that night – I could only imagine how hard it was/is to pour so much of yourself into a little one knowing that it’s only a temporary situation.

Those early days of two babies is sort of a blur now.  But fortunately we have some videos and pictures to help us remember.  Maybe I’ll see what I can do about scanning some this summer!

There is so much more to share….3 more children…many moves….lots of stories!  But today there is no more time.  More soon – I promise!

~~~to be continued~~~

Our Adoption Story – Part 2

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You can read part 1 here.

A few things to correct – I pulled out our scrapbooks! lol – it wasn’t April 1996.  It was May 17, 1996 that we got the phone call that we had been chosen for J1.  At least I had the Friday part right! lol (yes, I looked – I’m a bit of a geek!)

The next Monday I’m sure we were calling Judy even as she walked in the door! lol

Our first visit with J1 was at his foster home on May 22, 1996 – a Wednesday and the day before our 9th wedding anniversary.  J1 was 16 mos old and from the pictures it looks like he was really into chewing! LOL  We took him a small Sesame Street radio that he carried our whole visit.  To him we were just another set of adults visiting, but our whole life was changing.  It was hard to leave without him.  We went home and tried to prepare our home and our hearts.

On May 24, 1996 we had another visit with J1.  We were able to take him out of the home so we drove him up to my Dad and step mom’s home in Battle Ground, WA.  My dad took some great pictures of the three of us!

On Tuesday, May 28th, we brought J1 home.  I remember J1 walking through the house just checking everything out.   Four days later – on June 1st – our church threw us a baby shower.  Our friend, Debi Stinson, organized it and it was SO nice.  But I realize now I was a bit overwhelmed with everything and don’t remember much.  Thank goodness for photos!!

Even though J1 was home with us, our adoption was not final.  There is a waiting period of 6 mos and then there is all the time that the courts take to finalize the adoption.  But just having him home was good enough for us!  That summer we took a couple of trips, had TONS of visits from our California family members and we worked on finalizing J1’s adoption.

Even though we’d be a couple for 9 years, it really wasn’t all that hard for us to go from a couple to a family.

Looking at my scrapbook, I see that in September, 1996 my mom came for a visit and we took a trip to my sister’s home in the Newport, OR area.  Grammy and J1 played in the sand for the first time.  Little did we know that J2 was born that month and destined to join our family!

After your child is placed in your home, during the waiting period, you continue to see the caseworker once a month.  Some have resented these visits but we always enjoyed them.  It was a chance to share all the new things our child was doing and to talk about the transition.  I remember pretty early after we brought J1 home that we were asked if we would like to adopt again.  We told our caseworker that we would but we were in no rush.  We wanted to enjoy J1 for awhile.  Maybe in a year or so.  So when we got a phone call in  September, 1996 asking us if we were interested in adopting again, we replied in the same way.  And, then anonymous-caseworker said “Well, J1 has a little brother.”

I think you could have knocked us over with a feather!

~~~to be continued~~~