Everyone is home today – and the sun is shining! So we are going to get outside and trim some bushes, weed some flower beds and just enjoy the moment.

I hope the sunshine will help my mood. I look at my boys and can’t get over the fact that Josh is missing. He’d be 2 yrs and 8 mos old. He’d be able to hold his own out there with his brothers…probably screaming just as loud as they are on the trampoline.

DH wants to do something to recognize 2/22 – but I just want to get through it. He mentioned taking the day off and I would welcome that, but I can’t go out to the gravesite – I haven’t since the first year – and we can’t afford to go away anywhere. Besides, I can miss him here easier than I can away from home. If I need to sit and cry quietly all day…what’s wrong with that? At least I wouldn’t look like a fool crying in public.

But I recognize that we grieve differently and it’s not all about me. He needs to put actions into his grief. It’s something that I can’t undestand…but visiting Josh’s grave gives him peace – and making sure there are always flowers there is a big deal to him. But me…I want to be alone on the hard days. I want to write about my loss and then try to leave it there so that I can present a calm demeanor to the family.

Well, enough of this! I’ll try and write later today with an update on all my knitting projects! God, I can’t wait for February to end!

“What I did for my Christmas Holiday”
by Amy Osborn (age 38)

LOL! I guess I feel a bit silly today.

Our Christmas started on Christmas eve – we got to my mom’s house at 1pm (we were late) and Eric & my brother, Brett came back here to set up the trampoline. Beth & her family arrived and her DH, Kevin, headed over to my house too. When the guys got back we had a dinner of appetizers: crab spread on good breads, deviled eggs, meatballs & mushrom, ham&cheese ‘wreath’, Mom’s chinese salad. Yum! Then we congregated in the living room for gifts. I really enjoyed giving my brother his gifts – one of them the children’s book called “Hogula: Dread pig of night” (After the presents he read us the book and we found out that Beth’s real name should be “Elvis Ann” instead of “Elizabeth Ann” LOL

Bethie had my name and she gave me scrapbook paper and neat notepads, 3 bracelets and a neat basket that holding my sock knitting!

After a few more laughs we headed home and watched the beginning of ‘Jesus of Nazareth’ – and headed to bed.

The next morning J2 and Daddy woke everyone up at 7am so we could open gifts and get breakfast started before our guests arrived. Dh got me two beautiful pics for Christmas.


After all the gifts were opened….I got the video camera and Eric lined up the kids in front of the picture window and opened the drapes – they were pretty excited to see the trampoline!! But they were even happier later in the day to find out were weren’t just borrowing it! LOL

For breakfast, I made a breakfast casserole, party potatoes, sausage links, cider, coffee and OJ. My Mom, brother/SIL, FIL/MIL all joined us for breakfast. My FIL made his famous pancakes too – but it was almost too much food then. I hope to carry on this tradition for years to come! It was a nice way to start the day.

Then everyone left but Momma and we all rested for awhile – DH layed in bed almost all day watching videos he was given…argh! Oh well, I guess it’s his vacation! Mom and I made 4 pies – 2 sugarfree apple and 2 walnut pies. Then we made 3 casserole dishes (turns out I didn’t need to double the recipe! LOL) of shepherd’s pie – which was DH request for dinner. However, we have the smallest oven in the world and it seemed to take FOREVER to get all that baking done! When we were almost done I was removing a pie or something and I burnt my finger and dropped the hotpad- right on the element! Those things burn like none of your business!! Yikes! But the adrenaline rush got rid of my headache! LOL

After dinner our friends showed up with gifts (I got a sweater and Scottish Christmas Tea) and a new game of Trivial Pursuit Lord of the Rings version. I insisted on being on Eric’s team and thank goodness I watch all those silly ‘making of the movie’ featurettes – we won!!

This morning, J2 and J1 are still not feeling well, so the three of us are home from Church. This evening we are getting together with DHs family for another gift exchange! It’s been a nice couple of days…but I’m looking forward to a little peace now that the Holiday is over!

I’m not sure I shared it here, but on Eric’s birthday – November 7th – J3 woke up and declared he was done with diapers because he was now a big boy. And, he was! I think we’ve only had two accidents since then and has a complete breakdown if Mommy forgets and refers to him as her baby. 😉

Along with potty training himself, he decided to start dressing himself. To save his dignity we’ve put up with backward underware and shirts – who is it going to hurt anyway. I have taken to laying out his clothes for him so that he matches – but he tolerates that.

This morning he showed up in the kitchen with a “Tada!” and he was dressed! Eric felt he needed a bit of adjusting and as he attended to that, he thought the underwear felt a little strange. It seems J3 put the new underwear over yesterday’s underwear. Why? we asked. His simple response? “It’s warm.” LOL