Eric and I have been married 16 years today!!! He gave me a great card today, here are some of the things it said:
“I knew I had found a companion for the journey ahead,
someone who would stay beside me,
no matter how the road turned or where it took us….
I know we can count on each other,
and I want to go on sharing everything on life’s journey with you.”
Isn’t that great!
Do you know I didn’t even realize that tomorrow marks the 3 mo anniversary of Josh’s death? Does that mean I’m ok or really bad off? (sigh) I really hope it means that the Lord is protecting me and I’m doing ok…not such an emotional mess anymore!
Tonight I went with my Mom to visit my Grandma. I hadn’t been to visit since Josh died. My uncle did not want her to know about Josh’s death because she wasn’t doing well and “probably wouldn’t even remember him”. This was pretty upsetting to me because Josh and I visited her every week from Sept to Jan, except when we were sick. I knew she’d remember and I wasn’t supposed to tell her? What was I supposed to do when she asked about him? Make her think she’s crazy and there was no baby? ANYWAY, I quit going with my mom. And, then one day mom said that Grandma asked about me and if Joshie was better yet – and Mom told her. She understood and was understandably sad – she even sent me a gift.
So, now three mos later I finally get up the courage to go see her and it was hard. What did I expect? I’m so thankful that she remembers me!! And, she remembers Joshie..and she wonders why I didn’t bring him. At least twice we had to tell her that he died. I heard her ask my mom at one point if there had been an investigation – and I smiled sadly. It only reminded me that in our day and age Children are not supposed to die from illness. But the sad thing is that they do! And, Grandma, bless her heart would be sad and then quickly get distracted by something else until she realized that I was there but the baby wasn’t.
It was so sad.
What a few days I’ve had! I’ve been running non-stop! Yesterday I took my MIL to Sacramento to have her stitches removed (she had toe surgery a few weeks ago). This was our 5th? trip for this purpose and I finally found a nice way to spend the time. I took the boys to the park and asked her to call me when she was ready. We had almost an hour of fun in the park instead of sitting in a hot parking lot trying to keep sane! Why did it take 5 trips to figure this out!!! LOL
Today was Bible study – Beth Moore’s “A Heart Like His” about the life of David. The video was about Jesus, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. The first part was great but then she talked about Martha saying to the Lord, “If you had been here my brother would not haved died” and I could hear that echoing in my head. But we know from that passage that not coming while Lazarus was dead brought more glory to our Lord. And, I’m really starting to believe that in our lives too.
Not that I expect the Lord to show up at my door to bring my baby back to life, but He will and is being glorified in this situation! I’m so proud of our family as we struggle with grief but not anger! So many of us are giving praise to our Lord for his short life instead of being bitter that it was cut short! (And I hope it doesn’t come across as bragging — it is still hard but there is a choice involved).
Well, naptime is over…I have more to share….but no time right now!
Well, a blog will never work if I don’t upload what I write! So, look below for another post.
I thought – since our New Year’s plans were toasted since our two youngest are sick – that this would be a good time to look back on 2002.
2002 started with my oldest turning 7 and his first real birthday party. I was about 3 mos pregnant and just starting to feel a bit normal, but putting on that party was just too much! In fact, I ended up falling asleep just as the first guests arrived – ugh!
In May, Eric and I celebrated our 15 anniversary on the 23rd. The pregnancy hadn’t been going very well and I’d been on bed rest for many weeks by that point due to PIH and gestational diabetes. Let me tell you, bedrest with 3 children (who were 7, 5 and barely 18 mos old) was not fun! My MIL and mom came and stayed with me so to help with the boys as well as a few very faithful people from our church. By the week of our anniversary – I was going to Coos Bay for weekly ultrasounds and stress tests. They were concerned because my amniotic fluid was low. Finally, they decided to induce me on May 28th. They didn’t start the meds until midday, but nothing seemed to be going on. So, my doctor decided to let me get some sleep and start fresh the next morning. The nurse brought me a sleeping pill at 10 pm and my sister and I bedded down for the night. I couldn’t get comfortable and realized that the pain was labour! Here was the email that my sister sent out for me the next morning:
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Joshua Bruce Osborn arrived at 2:43am on May 29, 2002 in Coos Bay, Oregon. He weighed 6 lbs and 3 oz and measured 20-1/2 inches in length. His brothers J1 (7), J2 (5) and J3 (17 mos) are excited he’s finally here!! Amy is expected to be home on Friday and will share more about Joshua’s arrival then.
Eric, Proud Dad
P.S. – A little excerpt from Amy’s sister…. Amy did WONDERFUL!!! She started her induction at 1pm on Tuesday and nothing was happening all day. Eric and Mom left the hospital at 10:00pm for a night of rest since the Dr. seemed to think that nothing would happen and that he would bring the big drugs on the next morning. So, Amy and I settled down for a little rest and at 11:20 Amy kicked in! By 11:45 Amy was at 6 cm and starting to realize this was really happening (no turning back now). Needless to say, in the next 3 hours and only 4 pushes (that just doesn’t seem fair!!) there was Joshua!!! I’ll let Amy tell you all the rest!! Love you Sis!!!
Beth – Amy’s sister
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To be honest, most of the summer was a blur – breastfeeding did not go well at the beginning and Josh lost quite a bit of weight before he figured it out. A week after Josh was born, my DH resigned the pastoral position at our church. We had felt for a few years it was time to go home and that was our focus.
August 10th, we moved back and moved into my mom’s 4 bedroom home (she lives alone) and Eric has been faithfully looking for work. Right now he is working part-time at the university and at the local pregnancy support group as the Director of Development. He is considering get his teaching credentials, but the economy is so bad here we aren’t sure there will be many positions here in California. If you are a prayer warrior, please add us to your list!
Boy, this is getting long – In September we celebrated J2’s sixth birthday with his first party – and it was SOOOO great having family around to attend! The rest of the fall just flew by – until we are in our own residence, it feels like we are just visiting and I’m anxious to get settled!
In 2003, I hope:
…for Eric to have a fulltime job
……or enroll in a credential program
…to have a residence of our own
…to teach J2 how to read
…to continue to pay off our debt
…to finally update my webpage!
