Transitions

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This week we have been transitioning back into our ‘school’ schedule. DH, J1 & J3 are back to commuting to school in another community and J2 and I are home. It’s been hitting me very hard. I’ve been very sad. At first I thought it was because it’s quieter here – and I turned up the music 😉 – but then I realized it’s during times like this that I get a sense of ‘what might have been’. And, that is making me sad.

The practical side of me reminds me that it’s a huge time waster to ponder things beyond my control.

My spiritual side wants me to focus on what I have and what I’ve learned on this journey.

My selfish side simply screams that it’s not fair.

My fearful side is afraid to look too closely at the emotions for fear of falling in and never getting out.

It is well with my soul

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When I was a pastor’s wife in Oregon I was blessed to know some special PWs.  One of my favorites is Melanie.  It grieves me so much that we are so far away from one another but with the Internet we can stay in touch.  Today her blog touched me so much – I wanted to share it with you…especially this part:

… I know the storms, the hardships, the grief that I must go through in this life. And I know the peaceful, fulfilling, joyous times. Whichever is my lot – at any particular moment in life – it’s OK. Because, my soul- the center of who I am, is safe in God’s hands. And nothing, not storm nor plenty can that away from me!

My heart is saying the same thing – but I couldn’t say it so beautifully!

5/29/2007

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Today Joshua would have been 5 years old.

I’m trying to have a normal day. Headache is not helping. One good thing about tonight is that it’s my weekly knit night…always a good time.

I wish I could say something spiritually encouraging or even poetic. But I’m just sad. Nothing encouraging about that! Have I said before how much grieving sucks? Good! ‘Cause it is still true!

Randomness

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Lots of random thoughts …

… Homeschooling …
J2 will finish 3rd grade on June 15 and start 4th grade 1 week later! LOL Poor kid! Actually he probably won’t even notice! I’m going to do 3 to 4 weeks of school and then a break so we are pretty much going to a year-round schedule but some longer breaks as needed to match everyone else’s schedule.
Here is what we are planning for curriculum:
Bible – well, I still don’t have a plan – anyone have an idea?
Math – Saxon 54
Science – Apologia ‘Exploring Creation with Astronomy’
Social Studies – Beautiful Feet’s California History
Language Arts –

  • Spelling – AVKO Sequential Spelling
  • Phonics Pathways
  • Narration & Story Writing
  • Appletree

That’s all I’ve got planned so far.

… May 29 …
May 29 would have been Joshua’s 5th birthday. 🙁 We are supposed to be going to the Cabin this weekend – but I don’t want to go.

… Knitting …

  • working on the Clapotis – it’s a great mix of mindless & mindful knitting.
  • Found this today – Sci Fi KAL – can’t wait try try out the patterns!