I’ve really hesitated to share this post online…I’m not wanting to expose myself and yet I’m so excited about what I think I see happening that I want to shout it out to everyone!

Those who have known us a very long time know that one of our sons causes us lot of heartache. He is a trial. He is the sweetest boy you’d ever want to meet – if you don’t live with us. But if you were his family member, you would know that he is mad, intolerant and contrary. He never accepts no for an answer and throws a tantrum at the first sign of not getting his way. Most recently even a simple “good morning” from us generated a reply of “Don’t speak to me!” practically snarled.

We have tried every form of parenting out there and prayed continually that the Lord would allow us to have a normal relationship with this son.

Recently he started to lose privileges one by one…until he is only allowed out of his room for meals and to use the bathroom. We took away all his electronics and tv/computer privileges.

It seemed that it was only hurting us. My mother’s heart was so sad and I craved time with him. He blissfully put puzzles together or played with army men and seemed to care less that the family was out here…without him…missing his smile. I feared that he was getting what he wanted and we were being punished not him. I kept praying.

From time to time he and his father would have long talks. But when he was then sent back to his room he would throw a fit again. I think he thought if he was polite for a few minutes we would go back to the way we were.

But then – after a particularly hard morning where he was SO hateful that I was in tears – my husband said – “you know what, I don’t want to take him on vacation with us. Find out who he can stay with”. I gasped. I was so shocked. I didn’t want to make the calls. But our son heard and I think it started to sink in. He started trying. He was polite and helpful and seemed to want to be with us.

And, last night…last night I think we had a breakthrough. His Grammy came for dinner. He was with the family during dinner. We had a great time at dinner. We told stories and he told us about his day. His dad bragged on him – his teacher told dad that everyone wanted to be his study partner. And…then he had to go back to his room. I was sad but encouraged by the things I was seeing. He asked to speak to his dad. He apologized and said he realized he needed a mom and a dad. He cried – real tears! He’ll often cry – but there are no tears just lots and lots of noise. I don’t want to say he was broken because that is so negative. But well, I can’t think of a better word.

He was allowed to come out and watch a movie with us. He was told he had to sit with me and not jump around. He was practically in my lap the whole time. He cried a bit and told me he loved me many times. I rubbed his back and told him I ALWAYS love him – good and bad times. Happy and sad times. He went happily to bed, on time, after joining his brothers in a tickle-monster game with Daddy – something he hasn’t done in years. He was too busy being grumpy.

This morning I was a bit afraid that last night was a dream. But he got right up and was cheerful and loving all morning!!

I’m taking this hour by hour – but my heart is just sooo full of joy! I just had to share it!!

14 Thoughts on “Breakthrough

  1. This brings tears to my eyes! What a nice evening you had! So happy for you! Taking it hour by hour sounds brilliant!!

  2. Amy, I know how hard it is being “that kind” of parent — because I am that kind too. The kind that expect and demand that our children are polite and respectful, kind an dcurtous or else they deal with the consequences. And sometimes the consequences are harder on the parents than on the child. Nobody said parenting was easy – you are doing the right thing. He might not see it now – but he will someday.

  3. Awesome Amy! This is encouraging. I will pray for you tonight about this. I am excited for you!

  4. I’m so glad to hear this, Amy. I hope it continues. I think it will.

  5. Oh Amy, praying so that things will continue to go well and that he’s truly changed!

  6. Praise God for the changes that are being shown. Will continue to pray with you about this.

  7. Hi Amy,
    I, too, have a strong-willed, dramatic child who seems to prefer her own company to the family. There are ups and downs but good, concerned loving parents will bring him through it. There were times when we took away everything from Gini bit by bit til she had nothing but a bed and dresser and her clothing and whatever book I felt she needed to be reading at the time. Actually, it only took getting down that far one time. By now, (she is 12 now, all it usually takes is losing her music. And she has even gotten to the point where she actively tries to be pleasant to the family and instigates family games and so forth.
    And as far as “breaking” him. I train horses and avoid the word breaking but doesn’t it say something in Psalms about the Lord loving those with a broken heart and contrite spirit?
    It is obvious that you guys are loving parents and the Lord must have known it would take someone like you to raise this challenging child.
    God Bless!

  8. That is an amazing story, and I am in tears… Thank you for sharing!

  9. Praying for all of you as the days and hours continue! Love you and him too!!!

  10. Amy, I’m so glad for your breakthrough! I hope and pray that things are still going well!

  11. Debi Stinson on March 21, 2007 at 11:54 pm said:

    Hi Amy, Thank you for sharing your story. As a mom of an 11-year old (tween), it is encouraging to hear the positive outcome of your story. It encourages me to stand strong with mine as well and most importantly to pray for them. I guess I thought only girls (my girl) struggled in those areas. Thanks for sharing.
    I will be in your area maybe Thursday night 3/22. Depends on how the kids do in the car and how far south I can get. Would you like to meet for a quick breakfast and hello on Friday morning (3/23)? Our hotel will be near the Interstate. If your interested, just call my cell. If we make it that far south, we should get into your area about 8 or 9 PM. If not, we will stay farther up north. It all depends on how “the weather in the car is.” AKA the kids attitudes. 🙂
    Your family has a special place in our hearts. Your friend, Debi

  12. wow, I wonder if that is what we need to do for middle son. He’s always breaking my heart.
    It’s fantastic you guys followed through no matter what. Hope this sticks.

  13. I literally have tears rolling down my face! What a truly wonderful story.

    My son is only 3 and he is a trying little boy at times. Most of it is due to the fact hat his speech is not that well developed so he gets very angry. But he always tells me he loves me. I sometimes think it is only because that is one of the few things he KNOWS I know what he is saying. Doesn’t that just make you want to cry?

    Anyway, I will pray for you and your relationship with your son. God can work in the hardest of hearts (not that your son has one) and like my friend always tells me when I start to doubt the possibilities

    “Don’t put God in a box! Let him work in your life!”

    Marly

  14. Pingback: I wish I had know then…. | Journaling Back to Joy

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