I was watching Pirates 3 with my boys a few days ago. At one point a storm comes up in the middle of the ocean and it creates a maelstrom. If you’ve never seen one, a maelstrom is a large, swirling whirlpool. It is very powerful. It was stunning.
This morning I found I was CCed on a letter between the foster mom and caseworker. I was never addressed myself, so it felt like maybe I was (at best) an afterthought or (worse yet) not even supposed to get this email. It seems pretty strange.
I guess it was her way of updating us on what is happening…or maybe it’s the only way I’m allowed to get information now (she’s still never written me back or replied to any of my other emails so far). This feels like I was sent someone else’s mail. I want to know this information but I wish someone was talking to me. I feel like a nonentity. I feel like I’m to perpetually keep my life in limbo – ready at any moment to take on this child, but kept at a distance until they need me.
Am I willing to do this? How long will I play this game by their rules? How long will I let them throw me into this emotional maelstrom?
If I try to keep an emotional distance – then I worry I won’t be able to bond with this child.
If I allow myself to bond now – I risk more pain and chaos.
I watched that movie with the kids on Christmas, so I know exactly what you mean… You gave me a good visual on how you’re feeling…
I will be praying for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
Nice of that foster mom to trouble herself to CC you. What an effort it must have been for her. If you don’t want to approve this comment, I’ll understand, but maybe she should see it. 😛
Still, maybe some news is better than no news. But forget playing the game by their rules. The Lord will guide you to the right action for you. Praying for you!
Continuing to pray for you sweetie!
Praying Amy. Just feel what you feel. Don’t try to regulate it. That will make it all more painful. I know that you know that He is with you every step of the way, but I am praying that you will FEEL His presence with you. Praying for Princess too. Please email me a password so I can see pics. :o)
I pray for you and this precious child all the time. I’m afraid your comment about the bonding is too late. Seems to me like you’d already bonded from the moment you knew about her. Adding prayers for your heart, whatever happens.
Praying for you!!! (((HUGS!!!)))