After posting this am, my friend Ruth, called to see if I was able to shop! Costco and Sears were the targets – sounded simple enough, let’s hit the road! Costco as no big deal – was hoping to find DH a valentines gift but didn’t find one. Did find some good things for the pantry which were good deals – maybe I need to make it a part of our monthly shopping experience!

I bought myself a treat too – they were selling bulbs. I bought 15 “Oriental Hybrid Lilies” which will bloom mid summer in full sun to partial shade. I hope they will work for my front bedding area. I plan to give Ruth 1/2 of them in trade for half of whatever she bought – which I can’t remember now. I think she is willing to give me some glads too – her yard is full of beautiful ones every year.

Then onto Sears – which we forgot was connected to the Arden mall…ugh and again, ugh! It was ridiculous! We found what she wanted immediately, but being “allowed” to buy it was a joke which I don’t care to share now! Just believe me when I share that it will be awhile before I return to that particular store/mall! Ugh!!

I *did* find a new coffeepot and DH’s valentines gift there at Sears while we waited! 🙂

And I was able to get about 4″ done on my scarf…but I’m afraid the weather will change before I truly get to enjoy it! Better get to knitting! I hear it’s supposed to rain tomorrow – that’s good for me!! 🙂

Everyone is home today – and the sun is shining! So we are going to get outside and trim some bushes, weed some flower beds and just enjoy the moment.

I hope the sunshine will help my mood. I look at my boys and can’t get over the fact that Josh is missing. He’d be 2 yrs and 8 mos old. He’d be able to hold his own out there with his brothers…probably screaming just as loud as they are on the trampoline.

DH wants to do something to recognize 2/22 – but I just want to get through it. He mentioned taking the day off and I would welcome that, but I can’t go out to the gravesite – I haven’t since the first year – and we can’t afford to go away anywhere. Besides, I can miss him here easier than I can away from home. If I need to sit and cry quietly all day…what’s wrong with that? At least I wouldn’t look like a fool crying in public.

But I recognize that we grieve differently and it’s not all about me. He needs to put actions into his grief. It’s something that I can’t undestand…but visiting Josh’s grave gives him peace – and making sure there are always flowers there is a big deal to him. But me…I want to be alone on the hard days. I want to write about my loss and then try to leave it there so that I can present a calm demeanor to the family.

Well, enough of this! I’ll try and write later today with an update on all my knitting projects! God, I can’t wait for February to end!

Yesterday, the server that my website is on went down in a blaze of glory! OH NO! But there were backups! YEAH!! But they were from last Saturday! OH NO!!!!

The posts weren’t all that…but the comments….oh, the comments were priceless. It’s the support I’ve gotten from writing about my grief and loss that helps me go on…and now they are all lost. 🙁

I’m not longer a split personality!!! It was becoming very hard to blog with three different blogs! When I heard about MT and the ability to categorize posts – it sounded perfect and it really is! The only problem is moving posts and comments to this site. But it’s work I’ll gladly put up with in order to gain a bit of ease to blogging! And, those of you who know me as BelovedLamb or KnitnMom or Quiltnmom – now you can learn more about me, my family and ALL the things who make me who I am. 🙂