What do I mean when I use the term “Burnout”?

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I love and respect my Mom very much, and I could tell she really didn’t like my use of the word burnout in my post from Sunday.  So, since then I’ve been trying to think if there was a better word I could use for what I am feeling.

I looked it up in the dictionary via Google and here are the first two definitions:

burn·out
noun
  1. the reduction of a fuel or substance to nothing through use or combustion.
  2. physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.

I have run and run and run my little engine and I have not made sure I was giving myself enough fuel for the tasks.  It doesn’t mean I couldn’t…it means I didn’t.

Isn’t that a Mom thing? We are giving to our kids, to our hubby and forgetting to take care of ourselves!  I can’t even begin to count the many times I have prepared a meal for my children and then walked away never even thinking about the fact that I hadn’t eaten anything myself.

oxygen-maskWhen we fly, what does the flight attendant tell us to do in the case of loss of cabin pressure?  We are to adjust our own masks before helping others around us (that would be our family).  The unsaid message is that if you don’t take care of your mask first, you will not be in a position to help anyone.

Before school starts again next August, I need to come up with a plan that allows me to take in the fuel I need so my engine can go, go, go as I help my family.   I need to look at what I do and decide what feeds me and what drains me.  And, I have a feeling this is going to be an ongoing conversation I am having with myself!

Burnout

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Until I read this article, I didn’t realize what I am dealing with is burnout.  I was worried it was depression, exhaustion and maybe those are side affects of this for me.  But I am done… d.o.n.e.  I’ve got nothing left to give.

However, I still have a husband to encourage, kids who need me at various levels (for some I’m “just” a cheer leader – man, is THAT emotionally exhausting!!) and a home to run.  AND, a job with some of the best people you’d ever want to work with – plus, I get to work in my PJs!  Cakewalk right…well, no, it is still a job! lol  And just enough out of my comfort zone to be exhausting many days!

Ok – so that’s what I’m dealing with – but what am I going to do about?

The article I referred to above (read it yet? Do! I’ll wait!) was written for teachers, but the author, Vicki Davis, could have written it for ANYone who is weary after a season of intense focus – sound like homeschooling anyone?

She outlined 12 choices to help – a few I already do (1,4,7,8,…) but a few would be new or need to be picked up again.  So, here’s my plan!

#2 on her list was “Choose to Disconnect.”    I can’t disconnect from my family or my home (though I try to keep Sunday very quiet).  But as my job is mainly online, I am often checking work email on my ipad even though I might not be working.  Thus, I feel that I am always working – because I am.  I’m going to delete my work email from my ipad.  I need down time to be more creative and have something to give when I am working.

#3 on her list was “Choose to be Mindful.”  I think it’s time I get up earlier than my family again.  I chose to stop as I was tired. But it’s easier now as during the summer we allow the kids to sleep longer and even Hubs, when he’s not working, enjoys sleeping longer.  I could easily get up 30 mins before them and enjoy the quiet house that allows me to listen and connect with God.

#6 was “Choose to be Grateful”, but really it was about Journaling. d974fa50a2ce7777b46bec697020a0aaAfter my son died, my blog was my way to stay in touch with life. Also, I have written posts that will never go online in my quest back to Joy.  But I find I am writing less and less either online or in my paper journals.  So I’m choosing to write more.  Maybe I will find a journal prompt list or maybe I will just sit here and let my fingers tell me what I’m feeling.

This and a few other points combined together reminded me that I need to make time for the things that are important to me. So I’m also going to get back to scrapbooking this summer while I have some time.  Maybe I will start a book for each of the kids or just try to get the most recent pictures labeled and on pages!

Knit Night has been a great blessing to allow me to have a weekly knitting time with fellow crafters! I wish I could find that for scrapbooking but for now, I’ll find a time on my calendar, and commit to working on it a little bit each week!

So, to sum up – my goals for the next week few weeks are

  • Separate work time better – take my work email off my iPad.
  • Get up earlier to enjoy the quiet house – to start my day in peace.
  • Make time to both write and scrapbook weekly.  Not sure what that will look like yet, but I’ll keep you updated!

I’m never sure if anyone reads this or even cares, but I’d love to know if anyone else is struggling with burnout and what you are doing about it.  Leave me some feedback and let’s have a conversation!

Now what?

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As of yesterday, our homeschool year is done.  But I barely noticed.  How sad.  Hopefully it will kick in soon and I can enjoy a bit of a rest.  I’m running dangerously close to empty.  I need to recharge but I can’t even fathom where to start.  Been here? Done that?  Got any ideas for me?