100 days

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As in a tradition in many preschools and kindergartens – the first 100 days of school are celebrated by everyone bringing 100 items to school.  Sissy (5) chose something near and dear to her heart – candy! 😉

sm006 sm007 sm004

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Many of you know we have been having a very rough time in our home for many years.  We love our kids to bits, but they aren’t easy to parent.  Over time you start to believe that these struggles are your fault.  And this is reinforced by every book, every ‘helper’, everyone who doesn’t understand what you are living with.  Hell, you don’t understand it, how can someone outside your home understand it.

Yes, there are labels, but a label doesn’t come with a fix or an answer.  And, there are medications, but those don’t always help but might, in fact, cause bigger problems.

Sometimes I feel so alone.  I honestly quit sharing because I was tired of the ‘just love/pray/believe/do/try more’ comments.  And, then I stumbled upon some blogs during the darkest days that helped me realize I am not alone.

One of those blog writers wrote a blog this week that I really needed to hear.  You can read it here.  Today I am praying that the Lord takes away all the advice I’ve been given about parenting my kids from my mind and that I only hear Him.  That He removes all the guilt. And my need for resolution.  That He allow me to remember that I can’t do anything without His strength.  That I see this life as freedom and not bondage.  That I don’t worry about those helper voices who don’t live with my children and don’t realize how damaging their advice has been.

Please read the post if you want to understand. I can’t express my heart today.

Day 4 of being a Real SAHM

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I don’t think I’m cut out for this! Yes, my house looks great.  Yes, my laundry is all caught up.  Yes, my meals are planned.  Yes, my lesson plans are done and printed for the rest of the month.

But I miss the crazy pace of my normal life! If I didn’t know I’d be back to homeschooling J2 next week, I’d be really lost!  The house is too quiet.  The doggies don’t like to talk to me.  I find myself doing silly things like trying to clean the kitchen floor while the microwave cooks my lunch!

I obviously need the challenge of balancing the roles of wife, mom, homeschooler and employee.  All four are necessary to keep me from talking to doggies and spot cleaning the carpet! 😉