I’ve been bothered all day by the fact that I can’t remember what color eyes Josh had. I can’t bring myself to look at a photo to tell me either. How twisted is that??
I know where all his photos are in the house so that I can avoid looking at them. I don’t dust them. I don’t dust the shelf that has his picture and a few momentos.
Does this sound like a healthy person? Gosh, it’s been 3 years since he died. I’m amazed how long loss takes to deal with. I started to type ‘get over’ but I deleted it as I am starting to believe there is no ‘getting over’ a loss like this.
Wow – I’m depressing tonight.
I don’t think it is strange at all. The Lord took our baby home with Him just before I gave birth to her. I felt guilty not having any photos of our little one around and yet would feel burdened when I looked at one. I keep my pictures of Elisabeth Joy in a special box that I take out when I am up to it. I felt like I was being unloving and somehow forgetting about her but finally realized I needed to do whatever helped me grieve productively-to remember my daughter and yet still function for the children the Lord has blessed me with here. I know it is not the same thing for you-you had your sweet baby with you and got to know him, while I did not. I don’t know what you are experiencing, but pray you will be comforted with true comfort from our Lord.
I have hesitated to write you before this because I worry I will wound you or seem trite. I hope this is not so. In Christ’s love,
Kimberly
I don’t know Amy. I’ve never lost a child myself to death, but in a way, I sometimes feel like i’ve lost my son to death ( becuase of his autism). I know I can’t compare it to yours; but I just wanted to say that my grief for him comes in waves; sometimes i think I’ve dealt with this, and then WHAM… out of the blue, I feel like i grieve all over again.
I have two friends’ who have lost children. Both of them say that it’s something you grieve the rest of your life.
However long it takes, however it feels…. allow yourself to just feel it and grieve it. Don’t feel guilty about it- even if it takes you 50 years..
I am praying for you,
Sasha
My daughter died 14 years ago. There is no getting over the loss of your child.