I was driving in my car today – where I do my best thinking 😉 (well, absolute best thinking is when I’m knitting – but driving is right up there!)
Anyway….I was driving in my car and wondering WHY I was having such a hard time recently. Normally I think that February (when we actually lost Josh) will be hard. But then I’m pleasantly surprised to find out that it’s not so bad. But as I reflect back of the three years since losing Josh – March is definitely a hard time.
And then it hit me – well, yeah…those were the hardest days. Most of February of 2003 we didn’t have a clue that our life was about to change forever. We were caught up in the Lacy Peterson case and the crash of Space Shuttle Columbia. We got the grandchildren together for pictures for my mom’s birthday – and got the last, best picture of Josh. But it was March 2003 that I barely remember. I was in a fog of pain, guilt and confusion. Those days were some of the hardest in my life – dare I say the hardest of my life.
Hmm…mystery solved.
Sometimes it feels good to have a reason, a single point to wrap your mind around. Thinking about you lots and praying.
Have you read C. S. Lewis’s “A Grief Observed”, he journals his own journey of grief after his wife’s death. Not having suffered such a loss myself, it still came to mind because he is such a wonderful chronicler of human-ness and truth. God Bless you!
I relate so much with your feelings. We lost our daughter Miriam (at 5 and a half months from crib death)five years ago and there are months that are so heart wrenching. I feel so guilty because I have two wonderful living kids but I can just feel like one big ball of anger and frustration. I will pray for you. Keep your eyes on the prize- you have a beautiful life and you will spend eternity with your beautiful son.