One of the things I do to to deal with my grief is stay busy! 🙂 And, knitting has been a great gift for that! And, those who know my in real life know about my obsession of purses – but I never pay very much for them or it’s no fun!

So, I have seen some CUTE felted bags out there – but I have no idea how to begin! If I wanted to start cheap – ie get the products from JoAnns or Michaels – what yarn do I buy? Any tricks? I’d be very grateful if you would leave a comment about how to get started with felting – but cheaply! I don’t want to invest too much unless I know I like it. 🙂

Today is the second year since we lost our son Joshua at 8 mos old.

If he were still alive he’d be 2 1/2 years old. He and J3 (4) would either be the best of friends or the biggest rivals – and that would probably alternate.

If he were still alive I’d still be changing diapers.

If he were still alive DH might still be working at the university.

If he were still alive I wouldn’t have this lost feeling.

But he’s not. Two years…and I still have to remind myself that he’s not coming back. Two years…and I still can’t allow myself to look at the pain for very long. Two years…and I still wish I could turn back time and done something….anything right and still have him here with us.

One of the rings on my page (see left sidebar) is called SAHM Blogs – it is for Stay at Home Moms who are bloggers. Last week a call went out to find a new owner….I applied but didn’t think I’d be chosen! Well, I was wrong. I’ve spent the last day or so cleaning up the list and trying to find any breaks in the ring!

If you are a SAHM (or WAHM) and blog…I hope you’ll consider joining us! 🙂

SAHM Bloggers

In preparation to rereading “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis I found I had underlined some passages that are still too good not to share:

“This is one of the things I’m afraid of. The agonies, the mad midnight moments, must, in the course of nature, die away. But what will follow?”
When did I quit crying myself to sleep at night? When did I begin to accept that he was not returning…that he could NOT return to me….that this was REALITY? Those ‘mad midnight moments’ did die away….and what followed was an acceptance of sorts.

“I had been warned-I had warned myself-not to reckon on wordly hapiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the programme. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accepted it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination.”

“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.”

“Aren’t all these notes the senseless writhings of a man who won’t accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it?” I was so glad I read this as it gave me freedom to live my grief. I have not hid from it, but have tried to experience every moment of it….because I believe the only true way to acceptance is to have not denied it. I hope that makes sense.

My boys are all drama kings – and love imaginary play. Today DH witnessed the following monologue as J1 was sliding backwards (slowly) off his bed…

“Help! I’m dying….and I never lived to see Paris!”

DH laughed and asked where he had heard such a phrase but, of course, there was no response as he was dead!

Maybe you had to be here….cracked us up though!