I was writing a friend and realized I never shared here about the changes in our house. The first (and biggest) is that J1 is going to the Christian school where DH works. We always said we’d do what was best for the kids…and we were just clashing big time and DH put his foot down. The bottom line is that I can’t handle things as well as pregrief. I think DH is pretty worried about me, but I know that it will take time. I may never be the same person I was before – and that can have an upside too.

The other change is that we enrolled J2 (8) into a charter school – we are 85% sure we are dealing with dyslexia and I need the help. We talked about J2 accompanying Daddy and J1 to school….but he didn’t want to go and I think he needs more one-on-one time. Plus having J1 at school has really allowed him to grow as an individual and even exhibiting some leadership skills. Plus, he can’t blame J1 so he’s getting some needed attention in the discipline area too. LOL

I’ve been meaning to post this since October 1st – the day I turned my little perpetual calendar and read:

A happy life is not built up of tours abroad and pleasant holidays, but of little clumps of violets noticed by the roadside, hidden away almost so that only those can see them who have God’s peace and love in their hearts; in one long continuous chain of little jobs, little whispers from the spiritual world, and little gleams of sunshine on our daily work.
Edward Wilson

I think this is so true! Because it’s a matter of choosing to see those little things “in midst”. “In midst” of the pain….of the grief….of the dark….of the craziness. If you are looking for those little ways the Lord shows you that He is still there and that He loves you….you will find them.

I almost hesitate to share this example that happened yesterday because it is so, well, everyday. But it made me remember that I am loved and cared for…again. 🙂 I was on my way to an area of Sacramento where I had not driven for almost 20 years! Since returning to California there just had not been a reason to go there. But yesterday I needed to keep an appointment. I did all the things I normally do before heading out (yes, I HATE getting lost so I’m a bit anal at times!) I called and asked for directions….I used Mapquest…and I talked to my hubby about where I was going. I said I was anal didn’t I?! LOL But I was still a bit nervous about finding this place. As I was leaving town and getting onto I5 – I noticed the vehicle behind me was a lady from church….but as she was behind me I didn’t wave or anything. In the traffic I soon lost sight of her. As I exited I5 and merged onto 80 – there she was again….and then she was lost in traffic. As I exited 80 onto a city street, I looked for her and realized I was alone again. I started to get more nervous as I looked for the street and doublechecked the directions (I only read them at stop lights, officier! Really! 😉 I was confident I’d find the street, but was growing fairly sure that I’d be late as the directions to the actual building lacked a street number but contained terms like “look for 3 low white buildings” WHAT?!? On a four lane road?!? Sure…I’ll just drive with my other set of eye. But as I turned onto the street — there was the lady from church again behind me!!! It ocurred to me that she might be heading to the same destination as me! Gee, thanks Lord!! So, I slowed down a bit and she went around me. Then I followed her right into the parking lot (well, she turned into the wrong one, but by then I was sure where I need to go 😉

So, yes, it’s a little thing that could be explained and overlooked…but I feel loved and taken care of….and that’s all that matters to me!

What a bad day I’m having!! My head is aching – because of this stupid wind! I’m sad and weepy – which I think is more due to hormones than depression. I feel very much not up to …. well, everything! I want to just hide from the world, but thankfully J2 and J3 won’t allow that. I’m going to keep stepping forward and pray that this day gets better!