We are very blessed to have a family cabin up in N. California (above Stony Ford for those of you who are local) where we will be meeting my family (My mom, My sister & BIL and their 3 kids, My Brother and SIL and their new baby) for the weekend. It is also Joshua’s birthday weekend – he would have been 3 on Sunday if he had lived. It is very hard but being with family helps. Take care y’all and see you next week!

Perri tagged me to play this game

How to Play: You pick 5 of the occupations/activities from this huge list, and finish the sentence. You add 5 of your own ideas to the list… then tag 3 people…

The List: If I could be a scientist…If I could be a farmer…If I could be a musician…If I could be a doctor…If I could be a painter…If I could be a gardener…If I could be a missionary…If I could be a chef…If I could be an architect…If I could be a linguist…If I could be a psychologist…If I could be a librarian…If I could be an athlete…If I could be a lawyer…If I could be an innkeeper…If I could be a professor…If I could be a writer…If I could be a llama-rider…If I could be a bonnie pirate…If I could be a service member…If I could be a business owner…If I could be an actor…If I could be an agent…If I could be video game designer…If I could be a comic book artist…If I could be a hooker…If I could be a crack addict…If I could be a porn star…If I could be a mime…If I could be a domestic engineer…If I could be a chimney sweep…If I could be a masseuse…If I could be a taxi driver…If I could be a priest…If I could be a window cleaner…If I could be a gynecologist…If I could be a world leader…If I could be a healer…If I could be a proctologist…If I could be a carpenter…If I could be a amusement park ride operator…If I could be the manager of an adult bookstore…If I could be Pat Benatar…If I could be a hermit…If I could be a social parasite…If I could be an X-Man…If I could be Paris Hilton…If I could be a movie director…If I could be a super model…If I could be the new pope…If I could be a neurosurgeon …If I could be a playwright …If I could be a Belgian …If I could be a Astronaut/Cosmonaut …If I could be a Time traveler …If I could be a Dragon …If I could be a fighter pilot…, If I could be a sailor…, If I could be a dolphin…..If I could be a bookworm . . . If I could be a mind reader . . . If I could be a genius . . . If I could be a nymphomaniac . . . If I could be a supermom . . .If I could be a gypsy… If I could be a three year old…If I could be a ghost…If I could be an Olympic Gold medalist…If I could be Mrs. Depp….If I could be a truck driver…if I could be a toy store manager….if I could be a glass blower, if I could be a cat whisperer, if I could be a hobo….
If I could be a safari guide….If I could be a homesteader …..If I could be a photojournalist……If I could be a sand castle artist…. If I could be a guy who writes funny T shirts.
First, what I’m adding:
If I could be a fly on the wall… If I could be a forest ranger… If I could be a social worker… If I could be a movie director… If I could be a twin…

If I could be a Time traveler … I’d travel back to talk to myself prewedding – I’d warn myself about the foolishness of credit cards and teach myself to establish a budget so I don’t have to learn the hard way.

If I could be a photojournalist… I’d get to travel the world

If I could be a three year old… I’d want my mommy!

If I could be video game designer… my kids would think I was the coolest! I’d create a game with more secrets and less violence!

If I could be a homesteader … I’d probably fail miserably!

And I’m tagging Julie at Multiple Blessings, Theresa at Lindamood Family, and my sister, Beth at What’s Happening at the Roberts.

Lenin is attributed with saying: “A lie told often enough becomes the truth.” But it’s still a lie! This was basically the topic of the retreat I was on this weekend. I wasn’t sure what to expect – and to be honest I didn’t want to go. But my aunt and mom really wanted me to go and I could see how God had orchestrated things for me to go – and for that reason alone, I knew it was where I needed to be.

I told my sister before I went, ‘if all I come away with is a way to be more patient with the boys, then I’ll be glad I went.’ I never realized what a healing I would experience!

The goal of the retreat is to help you experience God’s love in your heart – not just your mind. I’ve struggled for many years knowing in my head that God loves me and wants good things for me….but my heart did not believe this. I kept trying to really learn it…thinking if I just tried harder, read the Bible more, prayed more, I would eventually be able to believe it.

Through the activities I was able to realize (only with God’s direction though) that I had erected walls to protect my heart – but they were keeping others – including God – out. And, the root of all the hurts was rejection…feeling like I didn’t matter. (you are getting the cleaned up, no tears version 🙂

We created a tool to fight against the enemy when he tries to get us to believe these negative things again. For me it was the phrase “I am a worthy child of God – loved and accepted by my Heavenly Father.” We were supposed to have a scripture too. I waited on the Lord for the right one….people tried to help me find one….but I couldn’t find one until almost the last minute. Then the Lord gave me Mark 10:13-16 – esp v. 16 which says “And He (Jesus) took them into His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.” And so many things clicked!

Early in the weekend I told my small group buddies there that my biggest burden was my relationship with J1 (my oldest) – that we never had a kind word for one another any more – that he seemed to go out of his way to make me angry and I had no patience when it came to him. I remembered reading the book “The Blessing” years ago and just not getting it….how do I bless them? I realized I didn’t know how to bless my children, because I’d never been blessed. That morning I climbed into bed with J1 and held him and layed my hands on him and told him I loved him. I asked for his forgiveness and let him know how proud I was of him.

Are things perfect now? No, he’s still a little boy and I still get tired in the evenings….but I’m trying to start and end each day with a blessing for each of my children. Nothing earth-shattering….but we are experiencing a healing. Isn’t it true that the things of the Lord are so simple…we work so hard to make things so complicated!

If you ever get the chance to attend a HeartChange Retreat (currently only in Oregon City, OR and Sacramento, CA) – go! You will be blessed beyond anything you could imagine!!

I’m doing a couple of projects for the magazine…trying to finish up J2’s school year…tryng to catch up on laundry and all the household stuff from being gone for 4 days…and I’ve just been running from one place to the next!

I almost forgot our anniversary!! Yesterday, DH and I had been married for 18 years! We were able to sneak away for a little chinese food – yum! – and some great conversation! And, happy 18 years to Tric & Wayne!!

I’m hoping the rest of the week will slow down so I can share about the retreat – but I’m not so sure! I’ve got my sleep study on Thursday and we are trying to go camping with my family for the weekend! When it rains it pours!!